


Colour My Heart

by karmacarmilla



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Fluff, F/F, F/M, Hollstein - Freeform, Initial Hollence, LaFerry - Freeform, No vampires, Other, Slow Burn, endgame hollstein, karmacarmilla, needless angst honestly, no supernatural
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-17 02:54:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 40,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5851375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karmacarmilla/pseuds/karmacarmilla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A world where you see in black and white until you meet your soulmate. If not pursued, the color begins to fade back. Carmilla walks through a swarm of people  and can suddenly see all of the colors around her. How the hell is she supposed to figure out her soulmate before the colors escape?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> The Soulmate AU that no one needed but I wrote it anyway.
> 
> Thank you to Alex (AlwaysandForever1988) for not only being an awesome supporter but also just an awesome person (-:

As a child, all children were taught to see color without actually seeing color. It was sort of like describing the way something looked to a blind person. Except the children were not blind. The only thing they could not see were colors. It had not always been that way though - a child would live until age 4 enjoying the beauty of hue but the second the clock ticked midnight on their 5th, the sight was gone. Up until a child reached age 10 they were taught how to recognize colors and the way things looked with them. Teachers were all chosen based on their ability to see or not. Unfortunately, due to the fact that one could only see if they had come in contact with their soulmate most of the teachers were married and choosing their spouses to to become teachers - leaving the students with some less than desirable professors. Undesirable or not, a teacher was a teacher and everyone was eager to learn of the unknown. 

-

The subway terminal was a lot more crowded than usual. 

In fact, this entire week it had been filled way past suggested capacity. Apparently everyone decided to take the subway to or from their winter vacations while Carmilla had spent the entire holiday at her apartment, only traveling to and from work. She honestly did not mind because it gave her an excuse to not have her mother visit during her break. However, she  _ did _ mind all of the tourists crowding her usually quiet subway train. Normally she could put her headphones in and empty her mind of all the stress of the city but now even the highest volume could not drown out the chaos surrounding her. 

On one particular day to work she nearly missed her train due to all of the commotion and tourists trying to find which train to take. Squeezing through a crowd of people, she just barely made it through the pressurized doors before the train shot down through the tunnel. 

When she sat, Carmilla could not believe her eyes. She blinked a couple of times and rubbed at her eyes to make sure it was real before just sitting there in awe.

The blue of the subway seats, the red pattern of the dirty carpet, that had been tracked by many others, under her feet, everything was so bright. 

She pulled out her phone to look at her reflection. It had been years since she had seen the color of her own hair and it was closer to black than she remembered. She examined her surroundings in a way that she had never experienced before and each sight was a new discovery.

When she exited the train, she barely even noticed the man who practically plowed right into her. What she did notice was the gray forming in his seemingly blonde hair. 

Everything seemed to be fresh and alive with the surrounding colors but there was one problem.

She had 7 days until everything reverted.

-

Laura spooned the soup from the crockpot into two bowls she created out of bread. She was trying out a new recipe from one of the cookbooks that Danny got her over the weekend and made it a challenge to try every recipe before the end of the year. Today’s recipe was French Onion Soup with a homemade bread bowl. 

As she carried the bowls into the dining room, Laura’s hands kept shaking and she had to stop and take a breath before continuing on.

“Danny, dinner’s ready!”, She called up the stairs and then proceeded to sit at the table, digging in.

The soup was delicious. The vegetables were ripe and it had a beautiful hue - perfect for the season. However,  it was hard for her to enjoy with all of these thoughts racing through her head.

“Rough day at work?”, The red headed woman questioned as she sat down.

Laura shrugged and slowly sipped from her spoon, “More or less. How was your day?”

“Pretty good. We found some really weird stuff in an abandoned storage unit. Apparently the owner died and the family found the key, not sure what it unlocked so they turned it in and it was to the storage space. Seriously, babe, there were like ancient artifacts in there. But it was all a bunch of shit that nobody should keep like chewed up pencils from the early 1900s and retro school desks with disgusting gum still attached to the bottom of it.”

The taller woman continued on with the story of her findings while Laura sat quietly and continued to eat her soup. It wasn’t that she did not care but right now she could not think about anything clearly. All that was running through her head was just how bright her fiancee’s hair was. 

Had it always been that...orange?

“Laura?”

The smaller woman looked up quickly at the sound of her name, “Yeah?”

“I asked if you were okay. I have never seen you so spaced out,” She took Laura’s hand within her own carefully.

“Yeah I’m fine, just really tired. Do you mind if I turn in kind of early tonight?”

“Not at all, I’ll be up in a couple of hours. I want to finish some paperwork before heading to bed.”

Laura nodded, removing her hand and taking her utensils into the kitchen to place in the sink. She needed to do the dishes at some point but as of right now all that she could think of was sleeping the stress away. 

As she put on her pajamas, she frowned down at herself. The colors completely clashed and she was honestly embarrassed that she even thought to wear these together in the first place. Stripping off the top, she put on a slightly more complimentary color and got into bed. 

For one of the first times in her life, Laura hoped her dreams would be dull.


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not everyone feels the same when it comes to seeing color.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just could not wait to post at least the first chapter (-:  
> I hope you all enjoy because I really am enjoying writing this.
> 
> Also, this chapter is kind of short and I apologize but the others are fairly long so stay tuned.

Carmilla was nearly an hour late for work.

She had left the house on time and had taken her usual subway route downtown but now everything was different. It felt like she was taking the trip for the first time, though she had been going the same way to and from work everyday now for the past 3 years. 

In all of those years she never realized just how bright snow was. Her entire life she had seen snow as only a bit lighter than gray but now it was practically blinding. The trees, though stripped of their leaves, were even more magnificent. The couple of trees that did not lose their leaves in the winter really captured her attention with a beautiful green that reminded her of the background she noticed in a painting on her way home. Honestly everything was beautiful right now, even the disgusting city streets had an aspect of beauty to them and that was saying a lot.

When Carmilla entered the office building she got a dirty look from the secretary but could not find it within herself to care. All she could think about was whether or not the woman could see color or not. Surely one could not be so miserable if they experienced what Carmilla was experiencing. 

The second the elevator doors opened she entered and stood awkwardly next to a woman who seemed extremely out of sorts. As they ascended, Carmilla could not help but speak up.

“Cheer up, cupcake. You are way too beautiful to be looking so solemn.” 

The doors opened and Carmilla exited, though the woman remained on the elevator. The few people mingling at the coffee table gave her a confused look. Usually when she went to work she was less than thrilled and honestly a bit broody (though she would not dare admit that out loud) but today was totally different.

“Someone got laid last night,” LaFontaine smirked at her as they passed over a coffee cup.

Carmilla rolled her eyes but took a long sip of the hot drink to warm her up from the outdoor cold, “This feels way better than getting laid.”

LaF raised their eyebrow, “Are you high? Nothing is better than getting laid.”

“I just...you know your hair is a really bright orange color. How does it not blind you?”

LaFontaine’s mouth dropped open for a moment before they practically  jumped in excitement, “Oh my gosh! How does it feel, kid? Isn’t everything just gorgeous? No wonder you were so late today!”

The brunette could not help the smile that came to her face as she adjusted the cup in her hands so that she could take her jacket off, “Everything is amazing honestly.”

“So who is it?”

“Huh?”

LaF paused but still was not devoid of excitement, “Who is the lucky girl?” When Carmilla did not respond they tried again, “Guy? Person?”

“No I,” Carmilla sighed as she moved through the office,  the ginger not following too far behind, “I’m not sure.”

“Wait what?”, They questioned as they leaned against the opening of the brunette’s cubicle.

“I’m not sure. Practically a million people were hurdling at me on the subway yesterday but by the time I realized I could see in color, the doors had already shut and I was in too much shock to even think about it.”

“Damn. Maybe it is someone you will see again so you don’t lose the vision.”

“I hope so because I would really hate to start seeing everything in black and white again. This is absolutely incredible,” She smiled as she looked around her small cubicle at all of of the little colors.

LaFontaine shrugged, “I always told you that I could try the experiment out on you.”

Carmilla shuddered at the thought of said experiment. About a year ago LaFontaine had a laboratory mishap and ever since then they could see color. The scientist was always trying to convince the brunette to try and see if it worked but she valued her eyesight and health too much for that. LaFontaine could have been the lucky one and the way her life had been going, Carmilla was not so sure she would have that same amount of luck.

“No thanks, now if you’ll excuse me I will be catching up on every email that I have missed in the past hour.”

“I swear I had never seen so many mass emails in my entire life until I got hired by Lawrence. Especially about last night. I realize the storage space was all cool and retro but I mean 4 threads is just excessive.”

“Right and it would be nice if you let me read them.”

LaFontaine rolled their eyes as they left the cubicle but not before yelling, “Color Suck” over their shoulder.

Color Suck was a saying that had been adapted by a couple of frat boys tons of years back, complaining over the 7 day deadline. Carmilla found the saying annoying but LaFontaine was right.

This attempt to find her soulmate was going to suck. Especially if she lost her colors in the process.

\---

Laura sat in her office with her head on the desk. She was absolutely exhausted and had gotten no sleep the night before. Every time she tried to get to sleep she would notice another color and spend what felt like hours looking at it. 

The hot cocoa warming her hands was the only thing keeping her from completely passing out on top of her folders. It was freezing outside and inside so she kept her coat on and tried to not think about the ugly faded green it had become. Until now, none of these things had bothered but the thought that there were other people who realized how mismatched she was brought more embarrassment than she had expected. She wondered how Danny had found her attractive if she never matched.

The thought of Danny made her stomach churn. 

How was it that Danny could see colors but she could not until now? Is it possible that you could be someone’s soulmate but they are not yours? What was it supposed to mean? Did that mean that one of them would die? They never taught those types of situations in school.

Laura began panicking and decided she needed something stronger than hot cocoa. Shrugging her coat off of her shoulders, suddenly sweating from stress, she headed out of her office and into the break room. There were a couple of people mingling around the complimentary bagels but she was too focused on her destination to even notice. She stood in front of the coffee pot for a moment, realizing that she had no idea how to make coffee, and decided to take the small trip to the floor beneath them to use their automatic machine. She was desperate at this point and would even be willing to go to a cafe if the other office had run out of coffee.

Laura headed to the elevator, taking the small trip to the third floor. She could not remember what they did there - something about tax returns...or maybe that was the fifth floor. When the doors opened she made a beeline to the table and was thankful to see premade coffee practically waiting for her. She poured a generous helping into the cup and grabbed a handful of sugar packets at the reminder of her constantly being told that coffee was very bitter. Laura did her best to stir the drink nonchalantly but ended up spilling coffee down the sides of the cup and onto her hands.

“Shit,” She grabbed a couple of napkins and tried to stop the dripping but tipped the cup allowing more of the liquid to pout of the cup. “Oh for god’s sakes.”

Before she could continue cleaning her a mess a hand reached for her cup and tilted it upright. When she looked up it was the same brunette from the elevator this morning, giving her the same smirk she had left with.

“Need some help?”

Laura rolled her eyes and continued wiping at the spill, “No, clearly everything is completely under control.”

The brunette laughed slightly and took a couple of napkins to help her clean up. Once the area was dried, Laura nonchalantly took a sip only to spit it out almost immediately.

“Oh my god that is awful!”

“That’s because you did not use any milk or cream, cutie.” She took the cup from Laura and put a dash of milk and cream into the cup before handing it back to her, “Try it now.”

Laura hesitated but slowly brought the cup to her lips, taking a sip. It was so much better tasting. Not great, but better. She took a longer sip with a smile and looked up to thank the woman but by the time she did, the brunette was already gone.

How had she not heard her walk away?

With a shrug, Laura turned and headed back up to her office to actually do some work for the day.

-

By Laura’s fourth cup of coffee she had the shakes. Her whole body was trembling, legs shaking, and fingers moving rapidly across the keyboard. She had gone back down the office to make more coffee occasionally and by now she was practically a professional and knew exactly how she liked it. 3 sugars, a dash of milk, and a container of cream. She had gotten much more than she had expected to in the couple of hours and was now finished for the day but she physically could not get herself to stop typing. By now she was on tomorrow’s work but as far as she was concerned it was better to keep going while she had the brainpower and maybe earn herself a day off.

The only thing that slightly distracted her from her work was the sound of her door opening.

“Hey babe, are you coming for lunch?”

Laura looked at the clock quickly before turning back to her laptop and continuing typing rapidly, “Not hungry.”

“Um,” The red head moved closer to her desk and looked at the empty cups scattered around, “How much coffee did you drink?”

“I don’t know, a couple cups. Did you need anything else, Danny?”

The woman paused for a moment before slowly backing out of the office, “I’ll see you at home then.”

The second she left the office Laura took a deep breath of defeat. That red hair distracted her every time.

She needed more coffee.

\---

The ride home on the subway was less than uplifting as far as Carmilla was concerned. She tried to take a quick survey of the people boarding the train but her heart did not seem to beat any faster among eye contact. The brunette could not help but feel slightly discouraged at the thought of her soulmate possibly being miles away, only taking the subway home from holiday.

Deciding not to dwell on the thought, Carmilla began surveying the area around her. It seemed like everything she looked at, no matter how many times it caught her eye, seemed new - and it  _ was _ new in some aspect. These were things that had only ever been visible to her in the usual shades of gray. Seeing them now felt like the first day of sunshine after what seemed to be a lifetime of rain.

By the time the train reached her stop Carmilla almost forgot to exit the car. A quick look around made her grateful that she did not. Sure the subway had many new colors but this was the city. Billboards, posters, advertisements, everything was impeccably radiant.

Carmilla did not mind one bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did my best to keep writing colour as 'color' because apparently colour is confusing and incorrect hahaha  
> If you find any inconsistencies with it, I apologize


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Carmilla pursues her soulmate quest and Laura is torn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is king of long but I hope you enjoy it regaurdless (-:  
> Also thank you to all of you with the insight on the word colour. Since this AU is set in America I am going to keep it as color but again, I apologize for any inconsistencies. I tried to edit it as much as possible but I cannot catch everything.

It had been almost 2 hours since Carmilla first started cleaning out her refrigerator. Her original intention was to make a quick dinner but it turned into a cleaning session upon realization that most of her food looked completely disgusting. Things were brown and bland looking - it was no wonder that she always felt sick after eating.

The doorbell ringing drew her from the kitchen and to the front door where a delivery boy brought her groceries. She had ordered an unnecessarily large amount of fresh food to balance out the processed mess that previously inhabited her refrigerator. She avoided admitting to herself that she went a little bit overboard after seeing the beautiful colors on the page.

Carmilla began removing the groceries from their bags and placing them on the table. Tomatoes, Heads of Lettuce, Peppers, Kale - all beautiful shades of red and green.  There was only one problem.

Carmilla had no idea to prepare these things.

-

Looking through her third cookbook Carmilla decided that maybe she could just look at the vegetables if she could not cook them. There was some science that said that could work, right?

Her stomach groaned as she looked at the clock, leaving her with no other option. Picking up her phone she waited through the dial tone before getting an answer.

“LaFontaine, here.”

“Hey Frankenstein, do you think you could whip up some edible concoction for me? I bought a shit ton of vegetables and have no idea how to cook them.”

“Are you willing to be a test subject? It would be edible but I cannot be sure about the effects.”

Carmilla groaned, “Do you not remember what happened last time you used me as a test subject? I just want to enjoy my vegetables without any additives.”

“You would be better off making a smoothie in that case.”

“You are truly are a genius. See you tomorrow.”

She hung up the phone and headed back into the kitchen to make her health smoothie.

_This better be good._

-

Laura took her time driving home, making all of the unnecessary in and outs of her path. The longer it took to get there was the better. It was not just Danny or the color of her hair, it was the fact that she was just now seeing this. It was the fact that all because of her car’s failure to start on a cold morning (it was fairly old and she really should start looking for a new one) she had to take the subway and run into her soulmate - the soulmate that happened to roam around the city probably without any knowledge of who she was.

Was there a chance that her soulmate could not see the colors but she could? That was her situation with Danny, who was say that the same thing would not happen?

Either way, Laura just wanted them to go away. She loved Danny and was going to marry her someday. It would be selfish for her to ruin that plan just because her mind decided to do things she did not ask for it to do. Besides, if Danny could see the colors and she was just now seeing it late maybe she was her soulmate and there was a glitch. Soulmate or not, she has a stable life with Danny and refused to give it up.

Upon arrival at her home, Laura exited the car fumbled through her bag to find her keys. Though she was stalling, this key loss was a common occurrence and frankly exhausting.

“Where the fuck are-”

Before she could finish her sentence the door opened, revealing Danny standing in just a bra and jeans.

“Hey babe, hurry in before you let all of the heat out of the house.”

Laura nodded and stepped inside, trying to avoid from staring. Sure it was nothing new but seeing in color only enhanced the image - and what an amazing image.

“Are you sobered up from your coffee high?”, Danny joked, snapping her out of her trance.

Laura shrugged off her jacket and slid off her shoes as she headed to the kitchen, “Hey it is not my fault that I never experienced the true deliciousness of coffee until today.”

“I think it kind of is,” Danny laughed. “Dinner is in the oven and should be ready in a couple of minutes. I am going to head to the gym for a bit.”

“Alright,” Laura leaned up on her toes to give the taller woman a chaste kiss, “Be careful.”

“Always,” Danny gave a smile before throwing her shirt over her head and grabbing her coat on the way out of the door, gym bag in hand.

Laura could not help but sigh as she leaned against the counter. Danny was beautiful and she loved her life but now that she saw it in a new light, was this really what she wanted?

-

“How was your smoothie dinner?”

Carmilla had just exited the elevator onto her business’ floor when she was cut off by LaFontaine handing her a coffee.

“How the hell do you always know what time I will arrive?

LaFontaine shrugged, “Well you usually text me when you are leaving and I know how long it takes for the train to get from your station to this one and then-”

“Never mind,” Carmilla cut off as she headed to her cubicle, “Do we have any pre-planned meetings I should know about?”

“Not that I am aware of...why?”

“I just have to do something,” Carmilla mumbled as she logged onto her computer but LaFontaine refused to drop the subject.

“Do what?”

“Why do you care?”

“Why are you being secretive?”

The brunette groaned as the scientist moved further into their cubicle, “Look, I am your best friend-”

“Not by choice-”

“ _And_ I want to know if you are doing something stupid so I can tell the police what happened if necessary.”

“That will not be necessary I am just tryingtofindmysoulmate,” Carmilla rushed the end of the sentence in hopes of LaFontaine not understanding and leaving the subject alone.

She was unsuccessful.

“Oh really?”, They raised their eyebrow, “How do you plan on doing that?”

“I haven’t really figured that part out yet.”

“I could help.”

“I do not want your help.”

“I thought you wanted to find your soulmate.”

Carmilla groaned, “You could not talk any louder.”

“Sorry,” LaFontaine shrugged sheepishly, “Seriously, do you not want to find your soulmate?” They said a little quieter this time.

“I do.”

“Without a plan.”

“For now…”

“Well I have a plan right now so you need me.”

“Or you could just tell me,” Carmilla rolled her eyes as she gave up on typing. There was no use in getting anything done with LaFontaine hovering.

“What is the fun in that?”

They gave a goofy smile that not even Carmilla could resist. She sighed, turning away from them and back to her computer, “Fine, meet me in the lobby 20 minutes before lunch.”

-

Laura sat at her desk typing away on her keyboard, though it was not nearly as fast as the day before. She was refraining from getting coffee today as to not end up like she was yesterday. Last night she had gotten less sleep than the night before and it was starting to catch up with her. She was exhausted but she knew coffee would only betray her in the end. Today’s work was none other than contract review for some major company’s name that she could not even pronounce. She had to admit that, though slightly boring, it was a little bit fascinating to have the inside scoop on these businesses and their financial decisions. She felt like a journalist in a way - that was the only thing keeping her from screaming occasionally when she got frustrated with her work.

By the third page Laura grew impatient and decided that she could not keep herself from going to get more coffee. She was slightly amazed with herself at the fact that she had never tried coffee before yesterday and was already hooked.

On the way to the elevator she was stopped by one of her favorite coworkers, Lola Perry. No one called her Lola, though, it was always just Perry. Laura was unsure why but refused to ask especially since Perry was one of the few women in the office that kept to herself. It was refreshing to talk to someone who knew about as much about office gossip as she did - which was nothing at all.

“Hey there, Laura. I brought in some brownies in celebration of Danny’s birthday.”

The blonde’s eyes widened immediately. Was that today? It seemed like she just had a birthday, did she not? Then again that is kind of how birthdays work.

“Shit, is she in her office?”

“She is in a meeting right now. Did you want to give her one of the brownies because I am sure I could have one set in her office if-”

“No she is not that dedicated to sweets, I am sure she will be fine getting one after the meeting but I need to run out and get her something. I completely forgot her birthday was today.”

Perry hesitated, “Do not tell anyone that I am doing this and I will never do this again because this is completely unethical but I will cover for you if anyone asks where you are.”

Laura instantly wrapped Perry in a hug with a smile, “Thank you so much! I truly owe you.”

She hurried onto the opening elevator and made her way down to the bottom floor, looking through her phone to pass the time. When the elevator stopped she nearly got off before realizing it was only making a quick stop at the floor beneath her. Laura moved backward into the corner to let oncoming riders in before noticing the woman who helped her with her coffee yesterday entering with another person.

“This would have been so much cooler if we met in the lobby.”

“LaF, If I saw you on the way why would I wait for another elevator to come just so we could meet in the lobby?”

“It would have been badass!”

“I am so regretting letting you tag along.”

Laura watched the interaction from what felt like a lense. Neither of them acknowledged her as she stood awkwardly waiting for the elevator to stop at the bottom floor. Finally the elevator light turned to the number ‘1’, causing the box to jerk and sending the redhead tumbling into Laura.

“Shit, sorry. I am not so good with the whole balance thing,” They apologized with a laugh.

The brunette turned around to look at her before that annoying, though incredibly sexy (Laura would not dare admit out loud...or ever), smirk came to her face.

“Hey there, cutie. I did not see you this morning. Did you decide coffee was not for you after all?”

Laura rolled her eyes, though not even remotely annoyed, at the way the woman spoke. It sent shivers down her spine in the best, yet most concerning, way possible. “I will have you know that I love coffee and I am actually headed out to get some now.”

That was only partly true but she did not need to know that.

“Ah my mistake, cupcake. Though I am not sure whether to be a little offended that our office’s coffee is not good enough for you.”

The three of them exited the elevator, LaFontaine looking incredibly confused at the interaction while Carmilla kept her pace slow to walk next to Laura.

“It is delicious, just inconvenient.”

“And leaving the building is what?”

This time Laura groaned, now slightly annoyed. This woman seemed to send her thoughts into circles and twist her words - all too much confusion for someone who had not yet had a cup of coffee.

By the time she had come up with a witty response, the woman was already headed out of the front doors with her friend. Laura, once again, never heard her leave.

How the hell was she doing that?

-

“What was that?”

LaFontaine questioned after they were a few feet from the building. The smirk had yet to leave Carmilla’s face as they walked. It was entirely too satisfying for her to watch women get flustered just by a simple tone of voice she put on. It was a gift really.

“Just a little flirting as all.”

“With her?”

Carmilla raised her eyebrow, “Yes? Is there a problem? She was hot.”

“I just cannot believe you are that bold to blatantly flirt with her.”

“I do it all of the time and you have never said anything about it before. What is the issue?”

“Um maybe the fact that she is Lawrence’s girlfriend or...fiancee or something.”

Carmilla was so taken aback that she actually had to stop walking for a moment. LaFontaine stopped walking as well to wait for her to process the information. After a long while they were slightly concerned with Carmilla’s silence.

“Are you alright?”

“I just cannot believe that Xena scored _her_. I mean I know I hit on a lot of girls but you have to admit she was gorgeous.” Carmilla noted as she began walking again.

“Oh god,” LaFontaine rolled their eyes, matching her pace “Do not tell me that you are falling for our boss’ girl.”

“No one said anything about falling.”

“You have never called a girl gorgeous in your entire life. It is always ‘hot’, or ‘a total babe’, or ‘sexy’ but definitely not gorgeous.”

Carmilla groaned but she knew LaFontaine was right. She had not called a girl gorgeous since that girl Elle that she dated in high school but Elle had broken her poor teenage heart so that was a bust.

“Whatever, it is just a word.”

LaFontaine opened their mouth to give a sarcastic comment but decided against it seeing the expression on Carmilla’s face. The rest of the walk to the restaurant was pretty normal for them and the second they ordered and sat down, Carmilla was diving right into their exact reason for going out in the first place.

“So what is this plan you have?” As LaFontaine opened their mouth, the brunette added on, “It better not involve some crazy science or else I will tear you limb from limb right here in this restaurant.”

“But, _Carmilla I would love to make crazy science with you_ ,” They mimicked in their best French accent.

“You truly are the worst person I have ever met.”

“I guess it is a good thing that you do not have any other options,” LaFontaine smiled taking a quick sip of their soda. “Anyway, you saw this person on the subway right?”

“Correct.”

“So there is no way you can get away with doing something about this through all of those people-”

“Wow this is helping so much,” Carmilla rolled her eyes.

“Would you just listen? My idea is to put up an advertisement. You do not have to say your name just give some details such as where you first started seeing the colors, when, what train you were on and where it was headed, little things like that and then you can put a date and time for you and the person to meet.”

“I am going to seem like a serial killer.”

“I’m sorry, do you have a better idea?” When Carmilla did not respond they looked smugly before continuing, “That is what I thought. You can put the advertisement online or something and see who responds.”

“What happens when someone tries to kidnap me?”

“Do you really think I would send you off without backup? I will be in the background with my scientific weapons of mass destruction. They will not even be able to think of trying something before I jump out from the shadows and tackle them.”

Carmilla raised her eyebrow, “The shadows? Where the hell are you picturing this being?”

“I don’t know, a park maybe? That would be so romantic at night with the lamps and city lights.”

“Or completely creepy,” Carmilla added.

“You are so pessimistic,” LaFontaine rolled their eyes at the brunette’s interjection, “Trust me it would be perfect.”

“Why can I not just do it at a restaurant?”

“That is so bland! Your soulmate should know how much of a hopeless romantic you are.”

Carmilla placed her head in her hands with a groan, “I thought we were forgetting about that.”

About a year ago LaFontaine had discovered a notebook Carmilla kept in her desk full of prose poetry and romantic haikus and had not let her live it down since. It was something she had done since she was a child and the notebook had gotten completely torn and tattered but she loved it just as if it were new.

“Did you know the mind truly cannot forget something completely?”

“I’ll punch you in the face and we can test it out,” The brunette growled.

“Okay, okay I will not bring it up anymore,” They lied, “But what do you think?”

“I think it better work and not land me on a ‘most wanted’ list.”

“No promises, Karnstein. No promises.”

-

Laura made her way back to the office building happily with her coffee warming her hands. She had made the trip worthwhile by getting the largest coffee available, drinking one there, and then carrying other back to work to actually get some things done. She was already feeling significantly better and had nearly forgotten her interaction with the brunette.

Except she had not.

She could not help but feel like it was slightly wrong to admire and respond to blatant flirting from anyone other than Danny. But it was not her fault (at least that was what she told herself).  Everything seemed new and attractive, not just the woman. Besides, everyone was attracted to mystery, right?- and that woman truly was mysterious. It did not help that she always seemed to refer to her through terms of endearment. But what was her name? Laura decided she looked like a Natasha so that was what she would refer to her as in her head from now. She decided that the next time they came into contact, which did not seem to be so far in the future considering these days they were constantly running into each other - constantly being twice, she would ask for her name.

After her seemingly long elevator trip up to her floor, Laura walked past Perry who gave a sigh of relief.

“You are just in time, the meeting is just now ending.”

“That meeting was terribly long,” Laura replied thinking of how boring it must have been for Danny to spend hours essentially talking about nothing to a bunch of old men in suits.

“That better be an amazing gift you have there because I was stressing for the entire time you were gone.”

Laura laughed as she placed the gift bag on the table that Perry had set up for Danny’s birthday party, “I am sure she will love it but if you do not believe me you can check by all means. It’s not like I would know anything being her fiancée and all.”

“Oh hush, Laura. At least I remembered her birthday.”

“Very true. Maybe you should send in a fiancée application. I am sure they would pick you instead.” She wiggled her eyebrows playfully before heading into her personal office and sitting down at her desk.

Unlocking her computer she immediately dove into her work and began reading where she left off with her documents the previous day. She got about eight pages in before her phone interrupted her with a couple of vibrations.

 

_[Perry; 3 messages]_

_(12:31) Danny is out of her meeting!_

_(12:31) Come out of your office we are celebrating_

_(12:32) Laura hurry! She is going to be here any minute now!_

 

Laura laughed as she tucked her phone in her pocket and headed back out to the main office where the table Perry had set up was. The lights were dimmed as the candles from the cake illuminated the room. All of the employees began singing as Danny exited the elevator, grinning ear to ear, while Laura stepped closer, bringing the taller woman into a hug as she blew out her candles. Everyone clapped and the lights turned on as Perry began cutting slices out the cake for those who just showed up for the free food.

“Wow,” Danny breathed as she took in everything around her, “I was just coming to ask if you wanted to go out for lunch. I did not think anyone even remembered my birthday.”

Laura felt a pang of guilt at the last comment but decided to push past it, “Did any of your employees do anything?”

“You know I think some of them are actually getting their work done today. That is a true birthday present.”

The couple laughed as they took their slices of cake and grabbed all of the gifts let on the table, Danny giving quite a few ‘thank yous’ on the way to Laura’s office. Once inside, Laura bumped the door shut with her hip and placed the gifts on her desk.

“Should I open them now?” Danny questioned, earning a nod from Laura before going along and unwrapping her gifts. They looked over a couple with laughs and smiles until Danny’s hand landed on Laura’s present.

“That one is from me.”

“Do you mind if I open it last?”

Laura shook her head and Danny continued with the rest of the gifts until Laura’s bag was the last unopened one. Danny removed the tissue paper before pulling the gift out of the bag, revealing a key chain with a VIP gym card on the end.

“You did not.”

“But I did,” Laura smiled nodding toward the bag, “There is more.”

Sure enough, Danny pulled out a piece of paper decorated with stickers. She couldn't help but laugh at Laura’s childlike tendencies. The paper was a shipping receipt with ‘Summer Society’ merchandise on it. The Summer Society was a sorority Danny was seriously dedicated to in college but a couple of years ago her letterman had gotten burned in a campfire fight at the Silas Class of 2014 reunion. One of the Zetas, a rival fraternity, was still angry about losing one of their final turf wars and wanted a rematch. One of the guys pinned her down and she was able to escape, her jacket, however, was not so lucky. For weeks Danny was heartbroken about the loss of her most prized possession.

Laura had found another one.

“I know it is kind of lame and cannot replace your lost one but at least you have something to remind you of an awesome time of your life.” She shrugged nervously.

“I love it. This is truly amazing and completely thoughtful of you.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

“You know I love you, right?”

“I love you too,” Laura smiled as she helped the taller woman clean up the trash. As she began lifting the bag out of the bin, Danny took it from her with a smile.

“I can take it, I have to get back to my office anyway.” The redhead leaned down to give her a kiss and Laura subconsciously turned her head so that Danny’s lips met her cheek.

Danny raised her eyebrow and Laura’s face instantly flushed, “I’m sorry. I-...I have no idea.” She stood up to give her fiancee a kiss before nearly pushing her out of the office, shutting the door behind her.

_What the hell was that?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wishing luck to myself and any others of you that are forced to work overnight into Saturday.  
> We can do this!


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A plan is developed, Conscious Interaction ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is finally here! The long awaited 3rd chapter! Sorry about the delay but I have been working a lot more and my brain has kind of been all over the place. This chapter was finished a while ago but I want to make sure I am always at least 1 chapter ahead and for whatever reason Chapter 4 was kind of a struggle for me.  
> I am not completely satisfied with the ending of this chapter but I wrote and deleted the last scene so many times that I realized I am not always going to be completely satisfied with what I do and that is okay.  
> So without further ado, here is the unnecessarily long 3rd chapter!

“So how do you feel about making a sexy profile?”

LaFontaine turned around in their chair to look at Carmilla who was leaning back in the against the side of the cubicle with her arm draped over her face. They had been debating the logistics for about an hour now and Carmilla was being less than cooperative.

“Yes, let’s make a profile and then give a time and location of where I will be and when. I’m sure all of the stalkers and serial killers will be thrilled with my assistance.”

“The attitude is unnecessary,” LaF mumbled as they turned around to the computer.”What information _can_ I give.”

“Location, time, description of the day it happened, and the day we will meet.”

“Yes but that sounds creepy. No one will respond to something so vague.”

“How is that vague?”

“Would you respond to something like that?”

“I am not like everyone else.”

“That is the most truthful statement I have ever heard you make,” LaFontaine snorted as Carmilla removed her arm from over her eyes and shot them a stern look. “Anyway, you should at least slightly describe yourself in case the other person recognizes you.”

“Fine, but keep it simple - brown hair, wearing...whatever I wore that day, those kinds of things.”

“Can I add something about your strong jawline?”

“I hate you,” The brunette groaned.

“What is wrong with saying that?! It is descriptive!”

“I don’t know, just no one says things like that.”

“I say things like that!”

“Exactly!”

They earned a hush from someone in a nearby cubicle, causing Carmilla to groan once again. “I hate being your friend.”

“It is a good thing you do not have any other options then, huh?”

LaFontaine typed for a long while as Carmilla surveyed the area around her. LaF’s cubicle was characteristically colorful and full of scientific notes, lab reports, and other miscellaneous science related things. She could not help but pity them slightly. They were way too dedicated to the sciences to be stuck in an office building but due to a college mishap, no biologist or chemist careers were interested in them.

They were completely annoying and opposed Carmilla’s personality in almost every aspect but that is what was so great about them. She would not have it any other way.

With a few last clicks, LaFontaine turned around excitedly, “Tell me what you think.”

Carmilla stood up to look at the webpage before turning back to them.

“LaF, you are an actual genius.”

-

Once again Laura found herself with numerous empty coffee cups scattered along her desk. Ever since the situation with Danny, nearly one hundred thoughts were racing through her head.

What the hell was that about anyway? Had she really not wanted a kiss? How was she supposed to marry someone she did not want to kiss? Why had she not wanted to kiss her in the first place? And most of all: When she thought of kissing someone, why did Danny not come to mind?

She took a long gulp of her coffee, lightly burning her tongue, and began typing rapidly. She knew she was misspelling words along the way but her hands were moving too fast for her to care. She was so enveloped in her work that she did not even notice her office door opening and Perry entering.

“Laura!”

The blonde’s head shot up in panic, “What?”

“I said that we are having an evacuation drill soon.”

“How soon?”

“Not sure, maybe in about ten minutes? I know they want to do it before the housing department on the first floor leaves.”

Laura looked down at her nearly empty coffee cup. The elevator ride to the third floor would be quick. She could make it if she hurried.

“I will be right back.”

“Laura you cannot leave, they take attendance-”

“Relax, I am just going to the third floor.”

“Please hurry,” Perry called after her as she left the office and Laura dashed to the elevator.

Once the doors opened she hurried toward the all too familiar refreshments table and began fixing her drink the way she liked.

“Well well well.” Laura looked up to the familiar voice, “So you do enjoy our coffee after all. Did you decided it was too cold for another one of your fancy coffee runs?”

Laura rolled her eyes at the expected smirk. Though annoyed, she did not try to move any faster with her coffee, “This really should be considered stalking on your part by now.”

“You are in _my_ department, cutie.”

Laura hesitated, trying to find her words. The brunette did have a point but it was not her fault that her own floor did not have pre made coffee. This coffee was just more convenient - the woman had even said it herself this morning.

“You alright there, cupcake?”

Laura snapped out of her thoughts at the voice once again, “Laura! My name is Laura.”

The woman’s eyebrow raised, the smirk on her face not seeming even close to leaving anytime soon, “Do you always just yell out your name to people or is this going somewhere.”

“No one else calls me desserts,” She mumbled, earning a slight laugh from the brunette.

“I have seen the amount of sugar you put in your coffee, it is clear that you have a sweet tooth.”

“And cutie?”

“You really cannot figure that one out yourself?” She sighed as Laura gave her a stern look, “You are incredibly attractive, sweetheart, and I think you would rather I call you ‘cutie’ than ‘hottie’, yes?”

Laura thought back to high school when her next door neighbor referred to nearly every female in the area as ‘hottie’ and how infuriating it was to hear. Somehow she could not imagine it sounding as bad coming from the brunette’s mouth (though she would never admit that outloud).

“What is your name?”

The brunette chuckled once again, “Well you are just full of questions.”

“Listen-,” Laura snapped but before she could finish her sentence, a siren sounded through the building and everyone began ducking under tables while security guards began clearing the area and directing people where to go.

Had it already been about ten minutes?

They crawled under the table, the smirk still present on the brunette’s face.

“Can you stop?”

“Stop what?”

“Smirking. We are doing a drill and are stuck under a table, what is smirk-worthy in this situation?”

“Well,” She drawled, “The fact that you and I are stuck under this table and you did not even think to bring your cup under here is kind of funny. Also the fact that they do attendance by department and I know for a fact that this is not your department.”

“How can you be so sure?” Laura tried to be snarky back but it did not work as well for her.

“Trust me, cutie, I would have noticed if you worked here.”

“My name is Laura,” She growled in annoyance.

“I heard you the first time.”

“Then why are you still calling me cutie?”

“You are still cute. Should I lie?”

“That is incredibly bold of you to do in a department managed by my fiancee,” Laura challenged.

“I will take my chances.”

The sirens ceased and people began crawling out from under desks and tables. Carmilla grabbed a cup of coffee off of the table, not bothering to add any cream of sugar.

“Wait,” Laura grabbed her arm to keep her from going any further, “What is your name?”

“Why? Are you going to rat me out to the ginger giant?”

Laura almost laughed at the nickname but shook her head instead, “You know my name. It’s only fair.”

“Who said I play fair?” Giving her the usual smirk, the woman walked away without another word.

Laura looked down at her own cup of coffee but she suddenly was no longer in need of caffeine. As she headed back to the elevator, feeling slightly dejected, a large frame blocked her way.

“Babe, what are you doing down here?”

_Great. Just what I needed._

Laura looked up at Danny sheepishly,”Hey, I was just coming to um...apologize-yes.”

The redhead laughed slightly, “Laura calm down. It’s alright, no big deal.” She leaned down for a kiss and this time Laura felt obligated to keep herself still. When Danny pulled away she breathed a sigh of relief.

“I should get back to work so I am accounted for on the attendance list.”

“Alright, I will see you at home. I am taking the car to the shop today so I will be a bit late.”

Laura gave a nod before boarding the elevator - the only thought in her head was about the ungodly shine of her fiancée hair.

-

“What are you still doing here, Einstein? You should have been out of here hours ago.”

LaFontaine turned around to Carmilla who stood at the entrance of their cubicle, “I actually have a date tonight.”

The brunette threw her head back in a laugh, “You? A date? Yeah right, what are you really doing?”

“You are such an asshole.”

“Wait,” Carmilla paused, “You are serious?”

“Yes” They replied with a blush, “I would appreciate if you were a little bit more supportive.”

She ran her hand up and down her opposite arm awkwardly, “Shit sorry, I thought you were joking. Who is the lucky person?”

“You are just going to laugh.”

“I promise I won’t, just tell me.”

LaFontaine shrugged, “Well...Lola Perry.”

“The one from the floor above us? Curly redhead that always organizes everything?”

“Yes, she is very sweet and I finally asked her out.”

Carmilla could not help the smile that came to her face, “I am so proud of you. I am sure you will have a great time.”

They looked at her with a raised eyebrow, “Since when have you been so supportive? Are you drunk?”

She rolled her eyes, “And you call me the asshole. Can I not be a good friend?”

“No, that is not your thing. You are supposed to laugh at me.”

“You just told me not to laugh!” Carmilla groaned, “Never mind. Have fun, I am going home.”

“Hey, wait!” They called after her, grabbing a folder and following her to the elevator, “I printed some of these out for you to hang up around town.”

She took the folder tucking it under her arm, “I will think about it but no promises.”

As she elevator reached the bottom floor, the curly redhead was waiting there next to the blonde coffee girl from earlier.

 _Laura_.

“Listen, Perr. You will have a great time I promise.”

LaFontaine smirked as they approached the two women, “You should listen to your friend here. What is your name? I did not bother to ask earlier on the elevator.”

As she was about to answer, Carmilla cut her off with a smirk, “Her name is Laura.”

Laura turned to look at her, narrowing her eyes, “Are you going to follow me everywhere?”

“Public space, cutie.”

LaFontaine and Perry looked between them for a couple seconds, sensing the slight tension, before turning back to each other. They were completely taken by each other as they had known from afar each other for years. Now was the first time they were doing anything about the stolen glances and shy flirting.

Laura and Carmilla however, did not have the same experience. Looking between each other was a clash between Laura’s forced annoyance and Carmilla’s flirtatious advances. They definitely did not mesh at face value.

“So,” LaFontaine mumbled not looking away from Perry, “We are going to go on our date now. You two enjoy yourselves doing...whatever.”

“ _We_ will not be doing anything. I am going home.”

“As am I,” Carmilla challenged without letting her smirk fall.

“Then what are you waiting for?” Laura snapped.

“Not all of us are loaded, cutie. Some of us have to take the subway north which,” She looked down at her watch momentarily, “will not be here for another fifteen minutes.”

“ _Shit,_ really?”

“I mean if you want to get rid of me that fast _you_ can go.”

“I would love to but some of us are not as rich as you may think _, cutie_ ,” Laura mocked, “I have to ride the subway too.”

“Well then,” Carmilla motioned toward the doorway, “Lead the way. See you tomorrow, LaF - do everything I would do.”

Laura rolled her eyes to mask the smile she hoped Carmilla did not see - refusing to give her any satisfaction.

She was not quick enough.

-

The entire walk to the subway was incredibly awkward (well for Laura anyway). She was mentally kicking herself for putting on that annoyed front. What was that about anyway? For whatever reason she felt like she needed to make it clear to Perry that she disliked the brunette. But why? Perry could probably not have cared less about what her and the brunette (whose name she still did not know) were doing - whatever it was that they were doing. Were they even doing anything?

“So,” Laura drew out in a poor attempt to make conversation as they waited in the terminal for their train to arrive. “Have you always lived in the city?”

The brunette sighed with a small smile, “You sure seem to ask a lot of questions.”

“You sure seem to never answer them.”

“You have got me there.”

There was a long pause and Laura grew slightly annoyed. What was with this girl?

“So?”

“No.”

“No?”

“No I have not always lived in the city.”

The subway pulled in front of them and people began swarming from both sides coming on and off. This scene was oddly familiar to her. As they found a place to stand, Laura was actually surprised the brunette did not seem to leave her side. In fact, she stood right next to her.

“Where did you live before?”

“All over. Austria, Germany, Canada.”

“Austria?,” Laura blew out a low whistle, “I have always wanted to go there. I heard it is absolutely gorgeous.”

“It is. Probably one of the most beautiful places that I have ever been, besides Switzerland.”

_Switzerland? This girl must be loaded._

“So what convinced you to move to The States?” There was a pause. “If you don't mind me asking,” She added.

“You would have no problem asking anyway,” The brunette sighed, “But I just had to get away, I suppose. I needed a change of pace where I could make my own decisions without feeling guilty or influenced by whatever mother wanted.”

“I know that feeling all too well,” Laura huffed earning an eyebrow raise from the brunette, “I am the only child of a former petty crime detective and military general.”

“Following in the detective footsteps I see,” She gave a small smile as the train came to a complete stop. Once the doors opened and she exited Laura had to nearly run to keep up with her through the crowd of people.

“Hey, I am not a detective. I am a journalist.”

“Really? Is that what you do up there in that little office of yours?

“I wish, Laura mumbled. “We just do stupid contracts.”

“As do we. But for stupid shit like storage units - but you knew that.”

Laura nodded, “Do you go out in the field like Danny?”

“Who?”

“Your boss?”

“Oh,” The brunette gave a soft laugh, “I have not heard anyone call her that in...well ever.”

“What do you all call her?”

“Lawrence...some other things.”

“Ginger giant,” Laura responded as she remembered what the other woman called her earlier.

“That is definitely one of them,” She laughed again making Laura’s heart flutter slightly. “I will spare you, though, I know that is your lady lover or whatever.”

“Fiancee,” Laura corrected suddenly wondering why she said it in the first place.

“Details.”

They walked quietly, reaching the end of the block where the brunette stopped.

“Is this your street?”

She nodded, making Laura’s mood dampen a bit. Why did she not want her to go? They barely knew each other.

“I suppose I will see you tomorrow then, huh?”

“You will find a way.” As she turned to start walking down the dark street she turned back around to Laura, “Carmilla.”

“Um..Ádios?”

The brunette rolled her eyes, “For a journalist you sure are not good at picking up on things.”

“Well unlike some people I have not been enough places to know so many different languages.”

“You sure are something else,” She mumbled before turning back around and beginning to walk away.

Laura stood at the street corner more confused than she had felt in a long time.

Nights like these made her really wish she and Danny owned more than one vehicle.

-

“What the fuck does ‘Carmilla’ mean?”

Laura had typed the word into all of the translators and search engines that she could think of and there was not much coming up. After about an hour of looking she had given up and decided to text Perry. Her date with LaFontaine had gone well and she was calling soon to tell Laura all about it.

She did not even give Perry the chance.

“About?”

“What do you mean about?

“What does Carmilla mean about what? What did she say?”

Just like that it clicked. Laura could not tell if she was relieved, excited, or just plain embarrassed. She was dying to know the woman’s name and had finally gotten an answer without even realizing it.

_Carmilla._

It was just as beautiful as the person that came with it. Laura let it run through her mind for a while until she realized she was still on the phone with Perry.

“Never mind, I’m just an idiot. How was your date?”

“Laura,” Perry gasped, “It was _incredible_. I have never had such an amazing date in my life. They were so sweet and we talked as if we had known each other for years. Gosh, I don’t understand why they work in an office because they have such an incredible passion and understanding of science.”

Laura listened as Perry went on and on about her date with LaFontaine. Honestly, it was adorable and brought a lot of joy just listening to her friend so excited. This is the type of love she wanted to have. She wondered if they were really in love - it sure sounded like love at first sight. Or was it love at first date? It was no secret that LaFontaine and Perry had feelings for each other as Laura would always catch them stealing glances whatever chance they got. She was honestly surprised it had taken them so long in the first place. Either way, she was happy for them.

“That is amazing, Perry. When will you see them again?”

“We have another date tomorrow! They are taking me out to lunch and I am freaking out. Should I make them some cookies? What should I wear? Should I-”

“Perr, calm down,” Laura laughed slightly at her friend’s nervousness. “They clearly like you as much as you like them. Just dress how you normally do and enjoy your lunch date. You do not have to bake anything that you do not want to but if it makes you feel better then go for it. No one can resist your baking.”

“Thank you, Laura. I will try my best to remain calm until then. Maybe I can start another page of the cookbook I have been writing.”

As Perry spoke, Danny entered the house and threw her gym bag on the floor, giving a slight wave to Laura.

“Let me know how it works out, Goodnight Perr.” She hung up the phone and turned around to her sweaty fiancée. Before she used to find her incredibly attractive in this state, now it was kind of disgusting.

“Hey, did you eat dinner yet?”

“Not yet. How was your workout?”

“Pretty good, I benched a little more than usual so I am kind of exhausted.”

“Well if you feel up to it we could still go out to eat. If not I will order something.”

“Whatever you want.”

“Danny,” She looked to her fiancée sadly, though she was feeling a bit more concerned at the thought of her being caught. Had the taller woman finally figured out that she could see color now? Had she slipped up?, “What’s wrong? It’s your birthday, you love birthdays.”

“I guess I am just kind of winded. Can we just stay in tonight and watch a movie or something?”

“Yes of course. Do you want me to order gyros? I am sure we can probably get a birthday discount.”

A smile finally came to Danny’s face as she looked to Laura’s goofy smile, “How is that in only a matter of minutes you make me feel so much better?”

“It’s a gift really,” Laura smiled as she got up to get the number for the takeout, sighing a breath of relief as soon as she was out of Danny’s sight.

This was going to be a lot harder than she expected.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hollstein meets once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CARMILLA SEASON 3 CONFIRMATION!!!!
> 
> Also can we talk about how stunning literally every single person in the Valentines Day video looked? Not a single flaw. 
> 
> Ps. This is kind of short oops but I will make it up in further chapters I promise (-:

Carmilla sat in her apartment for what felt like hours wondering if she made the right decision. 

As much as she wanted to deny it, even if Laura’s intention was to say something to the giant she would reveal herself all over again. But then again, Laura had not even realized that she was revealing her name in the first place . Perhaps she was in the clear.

But that walk home. Maybe she was reading too much into it but it was almost as if Laura had not wanted her to go.  _ No.  _ That was impossible. She was engaged to Danny and it was stupid of Carmilla to think she even had a small chance. LaFontaine was right though, this was not just her average hookup. She actually wanted to get to know Laura. Sure the blonde was beautiful in a number of ways but the first thing that ran through Carmilla’s mind was far from sexual. She wanted to know what it felt like for their hands to connect as they walked hand-in-hand from the subway. She wanted to know what it felt like to hold her close. She wanted to know what made her tick, what made her laugh, she wanted to know Laura.

However, that was a dangerous dream.

Carmilla opened the bottle and downed the drink a lot faster than intended. Drinking it so fast caused the alcohol to burn her throat slightly but she opened another anyway and began to drink it just as fast. She was not trying to get drunk, she just needed to take the edge off. Sitting down on her sofa, Carmilla pulled out her phone and texted the all too familiar number. It had been a while since they had communicated but she was desperate at this point. Anything to get Laura off of her mind.

‘ _ I was beginning to think you had forgotten about me. I’ll be there in 15 (-;’ _

-

The second Laura opened her eyes she hurriedly slipped out of the bed to grab her clothing. 

Last night was awkward to say the least. She supposed she should have expected Danny to try something as it was her birthday after all. The passionate kiss she had given her after dinner to get the thought of her soulmate out of her head had most likely confused the other woman was well. Laura understood why Danny had expected sex she just didn't understand why she was so skeptical about it herself. It was as if she felt like she was betraying her soulmate, whoever that may be, by doing this. 

But Danny was her soulmate right?

Suddenly it did not feel as if that was so. After all, a soulmate is not supposed to want to be with anyone other than their soulmate and frankly it took Laura a longer time than she hoped for to get Carmilla out of her head. If she was thinking of another woman when she was with Danny that meant that she had not yet met her match. Right? However, Laura was not unfaithful, soulmate or not, and it was clear that Carmilla was a flirt. She probably was not even interested - not that it should even matter to an engaged woman.

That messy train of thoughts was exactly why Laura had faked her pleasure last night and was uncomfortably called out by her fiancée. That was why Laura was showering in the middle of the night. That was why she escaped the bedroom after her shower and took a long walk around the quiet city. 

Her father would definitely disapprove of her decision to walk alone in the dimly lit city, especially with her guard down the way it was but she had to breath which was practically impossible in that suffocating home. She knew Danny was only trying to protect her but it felt like her every move was challenged or followed up. But out here, no one could question her out here. In the city everyone moved alone and kept to themselves. In the city she was treated like an adult.

As an adult she should not have been surprised to see Carmilla walking down the street with a tight shirt sporting the name of a local bar right across the chest at this hour the morning but that did not mean that she wasn't. 

The brunette noticed her and instantly made her way over with her signature smirk, stopping right in front of Laura. 

“I never took you as the night owl type, cutie.”

“I can't say the same thing for you,” She could not help but smile at the woman in front of her. “Though I never thought I would see the day that you wore color, especially something like this.”

“That’s because you’ve never seen me outside of the office,” Carmilla looked at her phone for a moment before placing it back in her pocket, “The sleazy police force gets off soon so you should probably head back home now if you are just wandering around...or are you headed somewhere?”

Laura shrugged, “I didn't really have a destination in mind. I just needed to breathe.”

“Then come with me,” A ghost of a smile appeared across Carmilla’s lips as her and Laura began walking back towards their homes.

They walked in silence for a moment as Carmilla adjusted her jacket around herself and began lighting her cigarette.

“You smoke?” She offered the box to Laura who scrunched her face up in disgust. Giving a shrug she placed it back in her pocket as they continued to walk. “So what does it take for a girl like you to be out in the sleaziest part of town at this hour?”

“Desperation,” Laura mumbled to Carmilla’s amusement.

“Please elaborate.”

“I’d rather not,” She said shoving her hands into her pockets, “Why are you out here so late?”

“Duty calls, cupcake.” The brunette referred to her shirt.

Laura’s mouth dropped open for a moment, “You work there?”

“Unfortunately,” Carmilla sighed before flicking the end of her cigarette into the street. “But hey, it pays the bills.”

“Have you ever thought about asking Danny for a raise?”

Carmilla scoffed and laughed without humor, “Please. Asking Lawrence for a raise is like asking the government to listen to our opinion. It is never going to happen, sweetheart.”

Laura sighed knowing she was right. Danny hated most of her employees just for the sole fact that they never seemed to do what she wanted and the redhead was a bit of a control freak. Things had to either be her way or no way at all.

“Well maybe I could convince her.”

As the words left her mouth Laura was just as surprised as Carmilla, who quickly played it off with her infamous smirk.

“Are you pitying me, cupcake?”

“No,” Laura quickly cut in, “No I just...well we’re friends, aren't we?”

The brunette hesitated for a moment before shrugging, “Sure, cutie. We can be friends but if you get tired of me don’t say I never tried to warn you.”

“If anyone is going to get tired of the other I think it will be you,” Laura giggled slightly as they approached Carmilla’s street before stopping her pace, earning an eyebrow raise from the opposite woman.

“What are you doing?”

“Don’t you live down this street?”

“Yes but there’s no way I’m letting you walk home at this hour alone. You walk slower than I expected so the bozos should be out any minute now.”

“You know I’m not some kid that cannot take care of themselves. I am perfectly capable of walking home on my own,” She replied with annoyance. Why was everyone always treating her like a child?

“No one said anything about you not being capable.” Carmilla shoved her hands in her pockets to take the edge off of the cold as they continued walking in the direction of Laura’s house, “I just said that you should not walk alone at this hour because this is not a normal thing for you. It is a safety thing not a capability thing.”

Laura sighed, “I’m sorry for snapping at you It’s just that-”

“Xena is always telling what you can and cannot do?” She looked to Carmilla who simply shrugged, “She is a control freak. It was not too hard to put the pieces together. But you know, you  _ are _ an adult and no one can tell you what you can and cannot unless you let them.”

Laura did not have a response for that comment as she feared if she were to agree it would show where her loyalty truly rest. To her that would be just as unfaithful as practically going home with Carmilla. Maybe it was just because the brunette was telling her what she wanted to hear but there was odd comfort with her that Laura did not feel with anyone else. They barely knew each other yet there was just something about her..

As they approached Laura’s house she turned to the opposite woman with a smile, “Thank you for walking with me.”

“This is a nice one,” Carmilla said referring to the building, “But hey, if you ever need to get out again you can always call me.”

“I don’t have-”

The brunette pulled out a small paper from her pocket and handed it to Laura, “I wrote this down a while ago in case I ever ran into a situation like this.”

She smiled, taking the piece of paper and shoving it into her own pocket, “Goodnight, Carmilla.”

Carmilla raised her eyebrow before a genuine smile came to her face, “I knew you would figure it out eventually. Goodnight, Laura.” With a nod of the head she turned around and began heading back down the dark street towards her own home.

Laura could not ignore the strength in the beating of her heart even if she tried. Carmilla had never said her name before but now that she had done it once, the blonde was not sure if she wanted it to stop. The unfaithful feeling in her stomach did not even boil until she entered the house and fumbled with the piece of paper in her pocket. She quickly placed it in her wallet for safekeeping and headed up to the bedroom where she changed her clothes and lay down as if she had never left, clutching her pillow rather her fiancée. 

That night her dreams were filled with an explosion of colors and she could not say that she minded one bit. 

-

Carmilla could not deny the slight dejection that radiated within her as she boarded the subway without a single sign of Laura. Sure she had never seen her on the subway before but now that she knew the blonde rode the train occasionally she could not help but keep her eye out. 

This was unhealthy and she knew it. Of all people she had to develop some sort of feeling for, why did it have to be her bosses’ fiancee? Was this life repaying her for all of the meaningless hookups and girls that she never seemed to call back? If so, the punishment definitely did not fit the crime. Heartbreak for Heartbreak? That’s fair. But this? This was entirely too far. 

Carmilla had dealt with heartbreak before long ago and it had practically killed her. She refused to do it again. Not like this.

That was why she sent that familiar number another text asking to meet after work right as she entered the office building.

“Damn, I was hoping it would take you a little longer to return back to your broody beast persona,” LaFontaine hopped in front of Carmilla as she exited the elevator.

“Not in the mood,” She grumbled not even bothering to clock in as she knew LaF would do it for her. 

“Well just fair warning, grumpy cat, office inspection is today.”

“ _ Why _ ,” She groaned as she reached her desk, placing her head against the plastic as she sat. “I knew I should have stayed home.”

“I mean you could just go home now, I am sure you have enough hours.”

“I dragged my ass all the way here, there is no way I am going back now.”

LaFontaine shrugged, “Well if you are going to stay I should at least give you some good news. Your advertisement has gotten a lot of hits and replies.”

“How is that good news? They cannot all be my soulmate.”

“Very true but I was narrowing some of them down based on the information you gave me and you could go over some of them yourself. Did you ever put up those flyers?”

Carmilla lifted her head with a groan. She really was intending to post them around town but Laura had distracted her to the point that she almost walked into the wrong house when they went their separate ways. “I’ll post them around tonight.”

“Just remember, you only have three days.” They gave her a look of concern before heading to their own desk.

Carmilla placed her head down once again. Now not only could she not get Laura out of her head but she also only has 3 days left to experience the beauty of color.

What a morning.

-

“What has you smiling so much this morning?”

Perry greeted Laura with a cup of hot coffee as she walked through the main office. The blonde could not help but feel a bit disappointed at the fact that she would not have an excuse to head down to Carmilla’s floor this morning but kept her smile anyway.

“Thanks Perr, I guess I just woke up in a good mood today.”

“Well I hope you keep that good mood because all odd numbered floors are getting office inspection today.”

“So?”, Laura raised her eyebrow at the redhead. They were on the fourth floor why would Perry care about….oh. “ _ Shit _ . Floors three  _ and _ five are stuck with us this time.”

“Unfortunately the trade-off still exists and since the first floor got stuck with the fifth floor last time…”

“We get ambushed,” Laura finished with a sigh. “Well we can hide out in my office if you want.” There were only five people on their floor with offices rather than cubicles. Laura happened to be one of those with an office while Perry did not so it was only fair that she shared. After all, Perry would have done the same if the roles were reversed.

That would be great but um,” Perry twisted her hands together, something she always did when she attempted to put something lightly, “It’s just that the third floor is not used to being packed either and I know it is completely rude to ask especially when I am the one being invited and it’s not like this is my office or anything but-”

_ Good god. Is that what I sound like when I ramble? _ “Perry,” Laura interrupted with her smile finally falling, “LaFontaine can come too. It’s no big deal. Now take a deep breath, you're worse than me.”

The redhead took a deep breath as advised before her signature smile came across her face, “Thank you, Laura.”

“Not a problem. Now if you do not mind I am going to get a little bit of work done while I can because no offense but you are a bit distracting.”

Perry laughed with a nod, “No offense taken. I will see you later.”

Laura entered her office with a sigh as she sat down at her desk. She could not help but hope that LaFontaine would bring Carmilla with them which only sent a sick feeling throughout her body. She really needed to get this woman out of her mind not only for the sake of her relationship but for the sake of her career. There was no way she was going to get anything done if she was constantly distracting herself with Carmilla or always “craving coffee”. It was unhealthy no doubt but it didn't keep her from deeming the coffee Perry had given her too bitter and inevitably needing to get some more cream and sugar from the third floor.

She really needed to get a grip.

There was no denying the slight feeling of dejection when she reached the refreshments table with no sign of Carmilla anywhere. Laura supposed she should not be surprised as the brunette did have a career to attend to after all. She could not just always run for coffee like Laura did, especially with a boss like Danny. Besides, should she really want Carmilla to always be around? Maybe it was better that she was not at the table this morning. After all, Laura was in a lot deeper than she felt comfortable with as an engaged woman. Quickly making herself a new cup of coffee she hurried to the elevator and headed back to her own office.

This was for the best. She needed to rid her mind of her mental infidelity. Carmilla was simply a speed bump on her road to success and happiness with Danny.

With Danny was where she was meant to be.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla v. Danny feat. idle Laura.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the wait for this and the length but I hope I can make it up to you with the next chapter that I should be updating soon. I have a lot of incredible news but I want to make sure everything remains the way it is for a while so just bare with me (-:

The fourth floor was a zoo.

Every employee from the third and fifth floor had crammed themselves into the fourth floor with all of the official employees of the office. People were standing around, sitting on the floor, perched up on tables, it was a grade A shit show. To top it off, no one knew when the inspection would conclude. Thankfully, LaFontaine had been kind enough to order a pizza prior to hiding out in Laura’s office. They all sat around her desk enjoying the food and laughing at those that were not lucky enough to find a safe haven in this mess.

Only ‘they’ consisted of Laura, Perry, LaFontaine….and Carmilla. LaF had brought her as Laura previously hoped for but now it was just plain awkward as she was doing everything in her power to not engage in the shameless flirting Carmilla was subjecting her to. Occasionally Laura would find herself swooning and then quickly try to redeem herself but she didn't seem to be fooling anyone - not even herself. The only thing was, today’s flirting was different. It seemed less genuine and more sexualized...stereotypical. Frankly Laura was tired of _this_ Carmilla. Where was the woman that had walked her home last night?

“Don’t hurt yourself there, cupcake.Thinking is clearly not your strong suit,” Carmilla sat perched on Laura’s desk with her usual smirk.

That was another thing. If Carmilla was not flirting she was making fun of Laura in one way or another. She rolled her eyes and rest her head on her hand. She was not sure how much of this should could take. Technically she could kick her out, seeing that it _was_ her office, but even Laura felt that would be a bit much. Besides, it was much better than being stuck with…

“Danny?”

The group turned their attention to the tall redhead standing in the doorway. She looked sheepishly at Laura, running her palms down her thighs.

“Sorry I was just wondering if you could sneak away for some lunch but I can see you already have...pizza?” She turned to leave but Laura spoke up quickly.

“Danny, you don’t have to leave just because my friends are here. Right guys?” Laura looked amongst the group earning a nod from Perry and LaFontaine and a grunt from Carmilla who seemed far more interested in the book she snuck off of Laura’s bookshelf.

_Close enough._

“All right,” She gave a small nod before moving further into the office, shutting the door behind her and going to stand closer to Laura’s desk where Carmilla looked smugly with no intention of moving.

“Feel free to help yourself to some pizza, boss.” LaFontaine gave a cheesy smile as they subtly moved behind Perry.

Laura could practically cut the tension with a knife. It was clear that no one in the room besides her was exactly friendly with Danny. She was sure Perry would act appropriately regaurdless but frankly she was not the one that concerned Laura. The woman on top of her desk reading god knows what is the one that truly left her on edge.

“Take a deep breath, cupcake. Your stress is draining all of the remaining air in this hotbox,” Carmilla mumbled without as much as a glance over her shoulder.

Laura looked to Danny who tensed at the nickname but decided to take Carmilla’s advice anyway by taking a large breath. Maybe if she did not acknowledge it the problem would go away.

“ _So_ ,” Danny drawled awkwardly, “How do you two know Laura?”

LaFontaine’s focus instantly shot to Carmilla who let out a soft groan and placed her book down. “Well she’s Perry’s best friend and was nice enough to invite us to hide out in here for a while,” They quickly interjected before Carmilla had the chance to say anything. Practically everyone but Danny knew the second Carmilla spoke they were going to be in for a ride.

“Oh...you invited them?”

Laura’s eyes widened quickly as she took her fiancee’s hand, “I would have invited you too but you know that you always have an open invitation here.”

That seemed to convince Danny as she gave a small smile and placed a kiss on Laura’s head, earning a gagging sound from Carmilla that they both chose to ignore. LaFontaine, however, shot the brunette a glare but remained behind Perry.

The room was to tense to say the least and Carmilla definitely was not the only one that wanted Danny gone - though she was the only one being so verbal about it.

“And how do you know Karnstein?” Danny questioned, staring skeptically.

“Oh we don’t really know each other,” Laura spoke quickly, tightening her grip on her fiancée’s hand.

“So you just sit on random people’s desks?” The redhead turned towards Carmilla,”Do you have no respect for anyone?”

“I mean we do kind of know each other,” The blonde interjected, “We are just new friends but through LaFontaine and Perry.”

“Yeah, Xena. We do _kind of_ know each other,” Carmilla smirked as she hopped off of the desk, “But if it makes you that insecure i’ll spare your feelings.”

Danny’s stance strengthened as she went to respond but Laura was quick to hold her back. The last thing she needed was for a brawl to unfold in her office.

“So what are you guys planning on doing for your next date?” Laura asked LaF and Perry not only in an attempt to fill the silence but to relieve the tension with something light.

Perry caught on right away as she just about exploded with silence, “We are going to see a show live on 10th! LaF’s cousin JP is in the show!”

“Wait,” Carmilla looked up finally, raising her eyebrow, “As in British literary genius JP?”

“That’s the one,” LaF mumbled.

“What’s wrong with JP?” Laura asked curiously, sensing the tone. It was clear things were going to remain tense so there was no use in trying to solve it now.

“Well a certain someone thinks he is trying to steal their spot in the LaFontaine household,” Carmilla rolled her eyes.

“He is _too_ close with my mother!”

“Just because you hate her does not mean everyone else has to.”

“It definitely does,” LaF groaned as they leaned back in the chair, “At least that is how any decent human being would think.”

“Oh is that how you found Karnstein?” Danny questioned with a smug look on her face.

Laura’s eyes widened, “Danny I don’t think that-”

“No it’s okay, Cupcake, let them answer the question,” Carmilla looked pointedly at Danny while she spoke to the blonde before turning to LaFontaine who looked like a deer caught in headlights.

“Come on, Carmilla, we all know that’s not true,” LaFontaine looked to their best friend sincerely, though still cowering under Danny’s stare.

“I’m not the one who needs convincing,” Carmilla deadpanned.

LaFontaine sighed and turned to the tallest woman in the room, “Look, I really don’t know what you and Carmilla have going on here and I know I bitch about having to work in an office a lot but I really do enjoy having a steady income so I do not have to live on the streets. Please spare me this conversation so I can keep my job and I swear to complete my documents the week they are due.”

“Lawrence could not fire you even if she tried. Just say how you feel,” Carmilla rolled her eyes before turning to the taller woman, “Besides, if you were to hurt one of Laura’s friends, you run the risk of having her upset with you and if the Cupcake is upset,

how will you ever watch over her?”

“I think you should leave,” Danny growled.

Carmilla allowed her smirk to rest in it’s place as she ventured back to the bookshelf, running her fingers over the spines of the selection. “Last time I checked, this isn't your office and _I_ was the one invited here.” Danny was about to lunge but Carmilla only laughed without even flinching, “Face it, Lawrence, you have no power here.”

The redhead looked to her fiancée who remained still, staring at the brunette. Laura wanted to say something. Anything. But nothing was coming out. Why was nothing coming out? Why could she not find the words to defend her partner? Why did she want to agree with Carmilla? Why did her chest suddenly begin tightening?

“Laura?” Perry stood up and began walking towards her but she couldn't move. It was as if everything was moving in slow motion.

Carmilla instantly turned around and hurried toward Laura, placing her hands on the blonde’s shoulders. “Laura, Laura breathe.”

“Get off of her,” Danny pushed Carmilla back only to get met with the brunette’s grasp tightly around her wrist.

“Touch me like that again and I’ll put you in the hospital. Now get your head out of your ass for like five minutes and let me help her.” Lifting herself off of the ground, she got back to work with Laura and pulled her close. “Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, slowly. We can do it together.” Carmilla began demonstrating how to calm her breathing and slowly Laura began following along with breaths shallow at first before becoming full.

Taking a final deep breath, Laura nodded and placed her head on Carmilla’s chest. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, just breathe,” The brunette mumbled as she ran her hand up and down Laura’s back.

Perry stood up, taking LaFontaine with her, and sent a knowing glance to Danny who sighed and ran her hand through Laura’s hair before backing off and showing the couple out.

“I’m not leaving,” She mumbled before moving a bit closer to the desk. “I’m here for you Laura.”

The blonde did not respond but subconsciously curled further into Carmilla, earning a slight growl from Danny.

The brunette rolled her eyes she stayed pressed against Laura, “Have you had panic attacks before?”

“No she has not,” Danny spoke up for her fiancée.

Carmilla lifted Laura’s head and looked in the eyes, “ _Cupcake,_ have you had panic attacks before?”

Laura nodded as she kept her eyes locked with Carmilla's. Something about it made her heart race though she felt completely calm. Nothing else around her mattered - not even Danny’s frustration or Perry and LaFontaine’s absence. Nothing.

“Well how do you usually calm yourself down afterwards?”

“I sleep,” She mumbled.

Carmilla nodded before turning to Danny, “Make yourself useful for once and take her home.”

The redhead did not protest as she quickly stood up and pulled Laura from Carmilla’s chest into her own, earning a slight whimper from the blonde. “Come on, babe. I’m going to take you home so you can rest.”

Laura nodded and took the purse Carmilla was handing her with a small smile. “Thank you.”

“Get some rest.” The brunette said quietly as she pushed a strand of Laura’s hair behind her ear and quietly exited the office, Danny and Laura not follow far behind.

On the walk to the car, Laura could not but be thankful for the chaos that continued to ensue due to the office inspection as it kept Danny from saying anything to her until they reached their vehicle.

The second Danny was settled in the driver’s seat she turned to Laura with a raised eyebrow, “You only kind of know each other, huh?”

“Danny I-”

“Do I need to say something to her? I know you’re always trying to be nice to everyone but you can't Laura! Some of these people out here only have one thing on their minds and they don’t care who they destroy to get it.”

“Carmilla isn’t like that,” Laura defended quietly, “She was just trying to help.”

“Carmilla doesn’t help anyone but herself. Not everyone is as good as you think they are. I cannot believe you could not tell that she was flirting with you!”

Laura’s eyes widened for a moment as she took in Danny’s last sentence. Were Carmilla’s snarky remarks really her idea of flirting? If so, why did it not seem like such a bad thing in Laura’s mind? Why was Danny so jealous anyway? Carmilla was only trying to help.

“She wasn’t flirting,” She mumbled, twisting her hands nervously. Danny went to speak but Laura cut her off before she had the chance, “Look, I’m not sure what has gotten into you but there is no reason for you to be jealous. I am _your_ soulmate, remember?”

“Right,” Danny nodded as she pulled out of the parking lot, “I’m sorry.”

Laura just sighed and rode the rest of the way home silently. This was the complete opposite of how she wanted her day to go.

-

Carmilla took a deep breath and stood up, not even bothering to fix her hair before wiping her mouth and grabbing her jacket.

“Leaving so soon?”

She turned to the blonde with a smirk, “Some people actually have shit to do during their day.”

“Hmm,” She smiled, sitting up to put her pants back on. “Well you know where to find me if you need me again.”

The brunette rolled her eyes, giving a quick nod, and headed out of the apartment. She knew it was not healthy for her to always meet up with her old college fling every time she got stressed and every time she told herself it was the last time.

It never was.

Elsie was the only person that she could actually rely on when she was dealing with stress. Elsie always kept her promises and was never busy. She was convenient as all. However, this was the first time that Carmilla had actually felt bad about using her. Or maybe that was not what was really bothering her. She knew the real root of her discontent but if she acknowledged her true frustrations she would have to act on it and that would be a worse shit show than spending twenty minutes with the ginger giant.

But Laura.

There was something Laura that made Carmilla want to be better. Sometimes like her personality. Her presence. Laura made Carmilla feel things that scared the hell out of her. Things that she had not even felt with Elle and Elle had broken her poor teenage heart. Elle had not actually cared. Elle had not defended her.

Laura did.

Maybe that was what had her so drawn to the blonde. Laura had a tendency to actually care about people. Laura saw the good in her like no one else. Laura saw her potential - a potential that Carmilla was determined to prove. But that was just the blonde’s personality. She did not actually care specifically about Carmilla, she cared about everyone. Laura had the potential to make everyone feel important. Laura did not really care as much as Carmilla felt she did.

At least that’s what the brunette was telling herself until her phone buzzed in her pocket. Pulling it out as she walked, Carmilla unlocked her phone and opened the message.

_[Unknown]:_

_Hey, it’s Laura. Can I call you?_


	7. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I am so sorry it took me so long to post this chapter! I wanted to make sure I liked how it was written first and also....I AM IN AMERICA AS I TYPE THIS! This is my first time ever being across the sea and being in The States in general. I am so incredibly excited and I hope to share some of journey with you all very soon (-:

_ [Unknown]: _

_ Hey, it’s Laura. Can I call you? _

 

Carmilla could not help the smile that came to her face as she read over the message. That night she had given Laura her number she figured it was a gesture that would go unnoticed for the most part. But Laura had actually taken her number and used it and now...she wanted to call. The idea that the blonde still wanted to talk to her after the earlier events of the day was enough to nearly send Carmilla into a conveniently placed telephone pole. Swerving around the metal she took a seat on one of the public benches and set a message back.

_ [Carm]: _

_ If it’s actually Laura, yes. If Xena, fuck off. _

_ [Cupcake]: _

_ Ha, it’s Laura! I’m going to call now. _

_ [Carm]: _

_ I’ll be waiting _

And she did exactly as she said she would. Carmilla waited with her phone gripped tightly in her hand, jumping slightly when it began to ring. She cleared her voice a few times before putting the phone to her ear.

When she did not say anything, Laura cleared her throat, “Hello?”

“H-hey,” Carmilla cleared her throat as well to bring some confidence into her voice, “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine thanks to you.”

Carmilla could practically hear Laura smiling on the other side of the phone, bringing a smile to her own face. “I’m just glad you are okay. How is the giant?”

Laura sighed, “She will get over it eventually. She went out to the gym so she won’t be back for a couple of hours.”

“Oh,” Carmilla replied, unsure of what to say as to not push any boundaries.

“Why do you sound so shy? You’re usually making fun of me or saying something inappropriate by now.”

Carmilla felt her heart sink a bit but did her best to mask it with a confident voice, “Is that what does it for you, Hollis?”

“Oh please,” Laura laughed timidly, “I was simply pointing out your lack of snark.”

“Would you like the snark to return?”

“Not right now. I’m comfortable with you like this.”

“I’m glad to hear it.”

There was a silence but surprisingly neither of them found it uncomfortable. It was just comforting to know the other was still on the line. However, Laura could not help but speak up.

“So do you have to go to your other job tonight?”

“Not tonight, tomorrow though.”

“Well what are you doing tonight?”

“Why? Are you asking me out,cutie?” She smirked, practically being able to hear Laura’s embarrassment. 

“N-no, I was just...forget it.”

“No wait, Laura,” Carmilla sighed, “I’m sorry. I was just joking with you.”

“I know, it’s not that. It’s just that,” She took a deep breath before speaking faster than Carmilla had ever heard her speak before, “I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to go on a walk again but you probably think that is really stupid and I am not even sure why I suggested it because-”

“I would love to,” The brunette interrupted, “When do you want to go?”

“Wait, really?”

“Yes, really,” She laughed at the excitement in Laura’s voice, “Now when do you want to do this walk?”

“Well...now maybe? Is this a bad time? Are you far away? I was just thinking that maybe-”

“Now sounds great,” Carmilla interrupted again, looking around. She was not as far from Laura’s home as she had thought. “I am actually right down the street so get ready.”

“Great! I’ll see you in a few minutes.” 

The second she heard the click on the line, Carmilla could not help the inevitable smile that came to her face. Her presence was actually wanted which meant she did a good thing earlier. The right thing. Laura had asked  _ her  _ to go on a walk - not Danny. That  _ had _ to mean something right?

But it could not. 

It would be wrong for it to mean anything. Besides, Carmilla had not been interested in anyone for years. This was just her imagination telling her the things that she wanted to hear rather than communicating reality. 

Shaking her head to clear her mind, Carmilla began the short walk down the street where Laura was just exiting the building and heading down the short steps.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” She breathed, giving a small smile to the blonde, “So did you have a destination in mind this time?”

Laura laughed quietly, “I guess I’m not so great at thinking that far. Did you maybe think of something?”

Carmilla hesitated for a moment before smiling softly, “Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” Laura replied almost immediately.

“Well,” Carmilla held out her arm which Laura gratefully took to hold onto, earning a blush from the both of them, “I hope you’re ready to do some walking.”

And walk they did. They walked down the crowded streets practically tripping over each other by how closely Laura was tucked into her side. The whole walk consisted of them talking about everything and nothing which left the both of them feeling absolutely content.

“Carm, look!” Laura reached out with her free hand to point out a newly blooming tree.

Carmilla was taken aback slightly by the nickname but recovered quickly, “Have you never seen a tree before?”

Laura rolled her eyes, dragging her off of the sidewalk and into the grass so they could get closer to the plant, “Of course I have! But not like this...it’s beautiful.”

Carmilla leaned up a bit to get a better look at the tree. It truly was beautiful. As it began blooming the mix of green and pink from the flowers that grew among its branches was gorgeous in a way that she too had never experienced before. 

“Wow,” Was all that came out of her mouth when she opened it to express the sight before them.

“Yeah...wow,” Laura nodded as she was unable to look away. “How long have you been able to see color?”

Carmilla was taken out of her daze by Laura’s question and redirected her focus to look at the woman next to her, “What?”

“You can see color, right?” Carmilla nodded. “So, how long?”

“Well...well I guess a couple of days now. No, a week.”

This time Laura looked away from the tree with her eyes slightly wider than normal before shaking her head and removing her grip from Carmilla’s arm. She ran her palms down the front of her pants awkwardly before forcing a smile, “That’s great. Now where were we going again?”

Carmilla wanted to push and question what had caused the change in Laura’s demeanor but that was never really her style. Had she said something wrong? Instead of questioning it she gave a nod and began leading her back to the sidewalk so they could continue their walk. 

This time the the walk was silent and Carmilla could not help but sigh in relief as they reached the building, “Here we are.”

“ _ Cupcake Heaven _ ?”, Laura raised her eyebrow as she read the sign in the window.

“I figured what better place to take a Cupcake than a cake shop?” Carmilla gave a crooked smile as she shoved her hands into her pockets nervously.

Laura rolled her eyes playfully before nudging the brunette with her elbow, “To think you used to act all broody and disaffected.”

“I don’t brood,” Carmilla groaned as she held the door open for Laura before following her into the shop.

“Sure you don’t,” Laura smirked as they approached the menu board to explore their options.

Truthfully, Carmilla had never been here before but the logo was the first thing that popped into her mind when Laura questioned her about the destination so this is where they ended up. The menu options were completely ridiculous if anyone were to ask her. Who in the hell wanted to eat a kale cupcake? This was just another reason she needed to get out of the city. A place where people requested kale in their cupcakes was not a place that she wanted to live.

_ But if it made Laura happy… _

Carmilla internally groaned at her thought process. Curse her brain for causing her to think such dreaded and hopeless thoughts. Laura had Danny. Laura only wanted Danny. Danny had more to offer. Danny was better for Laura. 

But Laura was better for Carmilla.

That was the thought that did it and kept the brunette from stopping herself when she moved close behind Laura in line with a smirk, “Did you make your decision?”

She was sure she heard Laura gulp before answering, “Rainbow jimmies and hot cocoa. You?”

“Black Forest with a coffee,” Carmilla whispered huskily, smirking to herself as Laura visibly shuddered. Before the blonde could answer, she walked around her and up to the cashier to pay for their food.

As they found a table near the window to sit at Laura smiled brightly, “You did not have to pay for me. I have money.”

“Nonsense, cupcake. I brought you here.”

“But I was the one who asked you to walk with me.”

“I was the one who agreed. Now please don’t fight me on this before I have to get all sentimental.”

Laura smirked as one of the employees brought their drinks over, telling them that their cupcakes would be ready shortly, before leaning forward on the table towards Carmilla, “I think I would actually like to see that.”

“Nice try, cutie.” Carmilla replied as she leaned forward as well, only inches from Laura’s face, “Now drink your hot cocoa before it turns into chocolate milk.”

The blonde swallowed sharply before leaning back in her seat, her cheeks and neck turning a bright shade of red, “Can I ask you something?”

“I don’t know, can you?”

“We will find out,” Laura mumbled to herself. “I was just thinking...how do you know if someone is your soulmate?”

Carmilla’s eyebrow raised as she took a bite of her cupcake which happened to be a lot better tasting than she expected, “Were you absent throughout all of primary school or is your mind still fried from earlier?”

“ _ Carm, _ ” Laura rolled her eyes, “I  _ know _ that you can see in color once you meet your soulmate but I just meant like...what if your soulmate is not what you think you need?”

“Xena not what you expected, huh?”

“You know what...nevermind it was stupid of me to ask.”

Carmilla frowned, “No Laura I-”

“Seriously, it’s fine. I am not sure why I asked that anyway. You are probably just content with the way things are and I mean at least I know who my soulmate is, right? I probably sound incredibly selfish for even questioning something like that when you are currently searching for your soulmate. I swear I’m not an ungrateful person I guess I am just not making things work when they should be, I mean after all I seem to be a scientific exception to all things. But why me, you know? Why do I have to be the one who has everything go wrong? I just needed to do one thing and somehow I managed to fuck it up-”

“Laura,” Carmilla reached over the table to take the opposite woman’s hand in hers, causing her to quiet down immediately, “You can tell me anything. Nothing you have ever said or done has come across as ungrateful or selfish. Secondly, if you are feeling up to it I really would like to know what you are talking about. Maybe I can help?”

The brunette’s last declaration made both of them pause for a brief moment. Carmilla could not remember the last time she had done something for someone without any personal gain attached. Even when she had to make an effort for someone with personal gain, there was that hanging internal dread. So why not now? Laura seemed to be the exception to just about everything and had more of a hold on Carmilla than she wanted to acknowledge.

The blonde’s attention dropped to their hands momentarily before a small smile came to her face, “You really mean that?”

“I have never meant something more.”

Laura’s grip tightened ever so slightly on their conjoined hands, “Promise me that you will not repeat this and we will never talk about it again”

“I promise that I will not repeat this and we will never talk about it again,” Carmilla could not help the way the corner of her mouth twitched into more of a smile than she was used to.

“Okay,” Laura lowered her voice and moved in closely, “I guess I just feel like the guidelines that they set for someone being your soulmate do not apply to me. Right from the beginning something has been wrong and I am not sure if there is something wrong with me or maybe I have made a mistake.”

Carmilla took a deep breath, leaning back as the server placed their cupcakes in front of them. She could not help but frown as Laura pulled her hand away but replaced it with a smile at the sight of the blonde’s eyes widening in wonder at her cupcake.

“This is the biggest cupcake I have ever seen!”

“Ever looked in a mirror?” Carmilla smirked when Laura rolled her eyes and began digging in, moaning at the taste.

“This is the best cupcake I have ever eaten.”

Carmilla refrained from making an inappropriate comment and instead directed her focus back to the previous conversation, “What is making you think that you did something wrong?”

“I just-,” Laura swallowed, “I feel like Danny and I do not connect - at least not the way we are supposed to.”

The brunette hesitated, not knowing if she should push or not but decided against it and began picking at her cupcake. There was no doubt that it was delicious, though she did find much more joy in watching Laura enjoy her own cupcake. Something about that smile..

“I am sorry, I am being so vague,” Laura replied with a small frown.

Carmilla shrugged, “You can be as vague as you want. You do not have to tell me anything you do not want to tell me.”

“That’s another thing,” Laura mumbled, “I know Danny just wants the best for me and wants to protect me but I always just feel so... _ suffocated _ . I guess that sounds ungrateful because I should be happy that I have someone who wants to protect me but it’s just too much sometimes, you know?”

Carmilla did not know. In fact she could not remember having anyone ever want to protect her at any cost. She was always on her own when it came to preservation. However, that did not mean that she could not recognize suffocating and well, Danny was definitely a suffocator - and Carmilla was not even her soulmate. No wonder Laura always seemed so high strung.

“Does she know that you feel this way?”

“Well,” Laura looked guilty, “I suppose not but it is so hard to get anything through to her! It is almost like she hears what she wants to hear. You know, at first it was not so bad having her do things like tell me when I could cross the street or have her make sure my food was cool enough before I ate it because I thought she just cared. But now? Now it almost feels like she forgets that I am an adult, her partner, and not her child.”

Carmilla hesitated, not sure of what she wanted to say, stalling with a sip from her cup. “So suppose Danny was not your soulmate? Would you stay with her?”

“I-..I don’t,” Laura sighed, “I don’t know if I should answer that.”

This time Carmilla stayed silent and the two of them finished their cupcakes quietly, the brunette mostly just picking at hers. Throwing out their trash, the two exited the shop quietly and began the walk back to their respected homes. Neither of them were sure what to say to cut through the silence. Carmilla, not sure if she had pushed too far with her question. Laura, feeling guilty because she shut the brunette down for asking the question she had asked herself for months now.

“I’m sorry,” Laura blurted before she could stop herself, earning an eyebrow raise from Carmilla.

“For what, cutie?”

“I just..I didn’t mean to sound so rude when you asked me that question...about Danny. I think I just- I...I have asked myself that question a lot and I feel like if I say it outloud then it would be a betrayal.”

Carmilla shook her head with a small smile, “I told you that you don’t have to tell me anything that you do not want to. I meant that.”

“I know but I,” Laura shoved her hands in her pocket awkwardly, “I think I might want to tell you.”

“Well whenever you are ready, I am here.” Carmilla turned to look at her and could not help the flutter in her stomach when she noticed the blush on the other woman’s face.

As they approached Laura’s home, they slowed their pace in any attempt to elongate the time together. By the time they reached her front porch, Carmilla was not sure if she wanted her to stay or wanted her to leave as quickly as possible.

“Thank you for doing this with me,” Laura smiled and brought the brunette into a hug.

Carmilla stood still, stunned for a moment, before feeling her body warm up and wrapping her arms around the bright woman’s waist. 

When Laura pulled away a small blush came to her cheeks, something that happened a lot more now than she could ever remember dealing with before, “I guess I will see you at work.”

“See you later, cupcake.” Carmilla replied but hesitated to move before she realized that this was not the way she imagined her leaving. She wanted Laura to stay more than anything but things never seemed to go the way that she wanted them to. Laura was not her soulmate and Laura did not want her, she just wanted a friend. The brunette quickly turned around upon the realization that the feeling in her stomach was simply that - the feeling in  _ her _ stomach, not Laura’s. She knew better than to get her hopes up and before even giving herself the chance to tell Laura how great of a time she had, she hurried down the short steps and made her way back to her own home - not forgetting to stop by the liquor store on the way.

Upon entering her apartment, brown paper bag in hand, Carmilla realized that she had never felt so lonely in the beloved place and quickly downed the contents of the bottle. After all, she deserved a little relaxation before she had to lug herself right back out into the city and work for her rent.

-

Laura wrapped herself tightly in her blanket and shut her eyes as she heard the front door close. It had been about an hour since her outing with Carmilla and she had spent the entire time at home thinking about the brunette. The way the corner of her mouth only curved up ever-so-slightly when she wanted to smile but tried to suppress it. The way she made sure to focus when someone was talking. The way she actually saw Laura as an adult and treated her as one. The way her loose curls cascaded around her face, accenting her jawline…

Well, maybe that was what most of her thoughts consisted of but she tried not to think about that as Danny ascended the stairs and opened the door to the bedroom.

“Laura?” 

The blonde stayed quiet as she heard her name being called but slowly opened her eyes as the taller woman sat next to where she lay on the bed, “What time is it?”

“It’s nearly dinner time, did you go somewhere? I saw your shoes by the door and when I left they were outside of the kitchen.”

Laura’s stomach twisted but she did her best to keep a poker face, “I went for a little walk. I needed some fresh air.”

“You should have waited for me to come back. Suppose you had freaked out again?”

She did her best to ignore the description of her panic attack as a ‘freak out’ and instead grew angry at Danny’s request, “I wasn’t going to but I needed a walk, Danny.”

“I am just saying that you should have-”

Laura sat up quickly, “Stop telling me what to do! You always tell me what I should do and who I should talk to and what I should where and how I should eat and I am  _ sick _ of it.” 

Danny looked taken aback, “Laura I-”

The blonde sighed, shaking her head, “I just...I think I’m going to go to Perry’s for a little while. I just need a break.” As she got up to pack her clothes, Danny grabbed her arm.

“This is not what soulmates do. We don't take breaks from each other.”

Laura paused for a moment as Carmilla’s words came flooding back.  _ Suppose Danny was not your soulmate. Would you stay with her? _ At this point Laura knew exactly what her answer would be which sent a pang of guilt throughout her entire being. Not being able to look at the taller woman, she pulled her arm free and headed down the staircase, making sure to grab her jacket before waving down a taxi cab and heading out to the country in the hopes of being able to stay with Perry for a couple of days.


	8. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look inside Laura's mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have had this written for the longest time but I was not quite sure if I wanted to make it longer or which direction I wanted to go. Finally I ended up settling on this so I hope you all enjoy it!  
> I have been incredibly busy these days but I have tried to find the time to not only write but read so thank you for bearing with me (-:

The country was different.

Anyone that resided within the city limits would be amazed at all that lie in the outskirts of such a busy region. Here in the country it was quiet, complete opposition to the constantly bustling city. The distance from a majority of civilization was what seemed to turn a lot of people off - not Perry. As soon as she realized that she could have a place to garden without having her produce harvested against her will she knew that the country was the place for her.

However, City-dweller Laura could not help but hesitate for a moment as she approached the wooden door in front of Perry’s small country home. It had taken her a lot longer than she hoped to make it there as she had to wait for the next train that was actually going her way to make it’s way back around the route. She was not sure how to approach the situation as she knew Perry would try and tell her to communicate with Danny which was honestly one of the last things she wanted to do. Laura did not even want to think about Danny at this point in time but knew it was inevitable as she was arriving at her coworkers home just before the sun was due to set.The entire train ride over consisted of her figuring out how to word her situation to Perry so that it did not sound as terrible as it was (It also consisted of her contemplating turning around and heading to Carmilla’s place but she was doing her best to ignore that option at this point).  

Mustering up the little ounce of courage that she had left, Laura lifted her fist and brought it to the door with two knocks that were quieter than she had hoped for. She debated knocking again when the door swung open, revealing Perry with a heavily floured apron draped over her body. 

“Laura?”

“Hey Perr, I know this is kind of short notice and really informal but are you busy?”

“Of course not! I am just making some pie, Please come in.” The redhead opened the door further and stepped back to let Laura step across the threshold. 

The blonde was immediately greeted with the smell of warm spice and caramelizing sugar. The house was warm and decorated in one of the most inviting ways that she would not expect from anyone else other than Perry. Laura could not remember the last time she had been somewhere and felt so comfortable. Surprisingly, this was the first time she had ever been inside of Perry’s house. She had come over a couple times before to pick up supplies for some of her projects or to do some gardening but the outside did not do any justice to the inside. It was no wonder Perry did not mind living on her own.

“Thanks, Perr. I was not sure where else to go.”

The redhead turned around with a smile, “You are always welcome here,” before heading back to the kitchen with Laura following not too far behind. “I hope you do not mind, LaFontaine is coming over a bit later to help fix my mixer.”

“I could never mind, it is your house after all.” Laura gave a small smile as she took in her surroundings. For such a small home Perry sure knew how to place some intricate decorations. A large quilt that read ‘ _ Good Things Come to Those Who Bake’ _ hung on the wall above the stove, just far enough away for it to not be a fire hazard. Perry was smart and Laura knew it, she just never realized how one could be so bubbly and so intelligent at the same time. Laura knew for a fact that if she had put a quilt above the stove it would have caught on fire almost immediately - just another thing Danny would scold her for. 

“So,” Perry cut through the silence as she removed the pie from the oven and set it on a rack to cool, “Not that I do not love to see you, because I really do, but what brings you all the way out here so late in the day? Did something happen with Carmilla?”

Laura’s eyebrows raised for a moment, “No, why?”

Perry shrugged, “She just seemed to be very helpful today - which from what I have heard, is not a common thing. I just assumed she had gotten your hopes up about being a good person or something and then did something to change your mind.”

The blonde was not sure why the preconceived notion against Carmilla angered her so much but it sent a wave of frustration through her body that she only kept quiet because she was running out of places to go. Instead, she ran the tips of her fingers against the counter awkwardly and shrugged, “She did not do anything to me. I think she is a good person.” Perry opened her mouth to say something but Laura cut her off before she could, knowing exactly what she would say and not being in the mood to hear it, “It is actually Danny who upset me.”

The redhead raised her eyebrow in confusion and placed her oven mitts on their designated hook before swinging her apron over her head to toss into the laundry bin, “Do you think she is upset about something? She was a little harsh in your office today as well.”

“I just needed a break from her,” Laura sighed as she ran her fingers through her hair in frustration, “I was just..I was wondering if I could stay here for the night until I figure out what I want to say to her.”

“Of course! You can stay as long as you want,” Perry smiled at the smaller woman before looking to the clock and pulling her hair out of it’s bun, “LaFontaine should be here soon and they are bringing dinner. Have you eaten?”

Laura thought back to how long it had been since she had eaten and shook her head - deciding that one cupcake after walking for miles, especially the way Carmilla had her stomach turning, did not count. “I could order something for myself though if there is not enough. I don’t want to impose.”

“Nonsense! I am glad to have you here and I am sure LaFontaine is bringing more than enough food for all three of us. They will be excited to see you anyway.”

The blonde smiled shyly with a nod before slipping her jacket off of her shoulders and heading back to the front of the house to hang it on one of the labeled hangers that Perry so conveniently had placed. As she was able to balance the jacket on it’s hook, there was a knock at the door.

“Laura could you get that?” Perry called from the kitchen.

“Sure thing!”, Laura turned to open the door and was greeted by a confused LaFontaine.

“You are not Perry.”

“I am not,” Laura confirmed with a laugh before bringing them into a hug and stepping back so that they could enter the foyer.

“What brings you so far from home?”

Laura hesitated as she contemplated telling them the truth or not. She figured she had done enough sharing for the day with Carmilla, “Just felt like a little bit of change I suppose.” She shrugged, “I also wanted to apologize for the tension in my office today. I know that we do not know each other well but I hope you know that you are welcome to come up any time and I can promise you we will not have a problem like that again.”

“No worries, Kid. Lawrence and Carmilla getting into it is not an uncommon thing,” LaFontaine gave a smug look as they walked past her and into the kitchen, placing a quick kiss on Perry’s cheek. 

Laura smiled at the interaction though her heart sank slightly. She could remember when her and Danny were cute like that. What went wrong?  _ Oh yeah _ , Danny had been treating her like a child since the day they met.

“Something on your mind, L?” LaFontaine looked to Laura as they assisted Perry in plating the pasta. 

Laura shook her head, “Nothing to be concerned about. I just miss my Dad, I suppose.” Weak excuse but better than nothing. She took the plate Perry held out to her thankfully and went to sit down at the table. The dinner consisted of Perry and LaFontaine talking about their plans for the week and Laura stirring her pasta around on her fork quietly. She did her best to keep a straight face but it was incredibly difficulty as her thoughts were clouded with Carmilla. What the hell was that about anyway? I was almost as if her mind shifted into Carmilla overdrive just because of the way the brunette treated her - as if she could was a schoolgirl with a superficial crush.

The rest of the dinner was relatively quietly and after Laura had insisted on helping Perry with the dishes, they collected on the porch while LaFontaine stay inside to do their handywork with the mixer - receiving three warnings from Perry to keep the mixer in useable condition and not anything that could be classified as bionic. Laura rock in the chair, nursing her hot chocolate, while Perry tended to her plants. The blonde had been thinking a lot about what she wanted to say to Perry, if she wanted to say anything at all. All she knew was that if she was going to say something to anyone the person would be Perry as she always seemed to have the answers. 

“What’s on your mind?”

Laura snapped out of her thoughts and smiled sheepishly at Perry who had ceased tending to her plants and was looking at the blonde skeptically. “Am I that obvious?”

“You just keep sighing,” Perry removed her gloves by picking at the fingers one at a time to loosen them before resting them on her porch railing, “You never sigh when you have hot cocoa. You love hot cocoa.”

“Especially your hot cocoa,” Laura reminded with a smile before letting it fall, “If I tell you something do you promise not to tell anyone? Not even LaFontaine.”

Perry sat in the rocking chair next to her with a smile, “Your friendship always comes before a relationship, now spill.”

Laura gave a grateful nod before leaning back in the chair, “I don’t think Danny is my soulmate.”

The redhead’s eyes widened before she cleared her throat and tried to neutralize her expression, “Okay...what makes you say that?”

“I know it sounds crazy but I just...I don’t think I can handle Danny much longer. That is not how soulmates are supposed to be, right?”

“Every relationship has it’s problems Laura-”

“No I know but there’s something else,” She took a deep breath preparing herself to spill the information that she had never expected to tell anyone, “Up until the beginning of this week, I have not been able to see colour.”

“What?!” Perry exclaimed, covering her mouth quickly.

It was too late. LaFontaine headed out of the house to join them on the porch, “What are you two yelling about?”

“Oh I just...Laura was telling me about how she used egg yolks to make meringue instead of whites and I just could not believe it.”

LaF raised their eyebrow at the blonde, “Seriously L? Yolks aren’t even the right color for meringue.”

“Yeah well I have never been much of a baker,” She said quickly before standing up and turning to Perry with a forced smile, “Do you mind if I use your shower?”

“Not at all. I can get you some linens-”

Laura stopped Perry as she went to stand up, “I’m sure I can find them. You two enjoy some time out here together.” Before either redhead could respond she was already in the house and heading to the bathroom. She took a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair in exasperation. She had just spilled her biggest secret and now she was going to have to wait god knows how long for some confirmation that Perry was not freaking out as much as she was. She mentally cursed herself for even speaking to Perry in the first place as that was information that she should have kept to herself. She was doing just fine with it before and it should have stayed that way. Now everything was a mess.

Stripping down, she turned on the shower and stepped in allowing the hot water to scald her body and rid her of the stress and frustration that plagued her. She scrubbed away her stressors. The shampoo created specifically for red hair only reminded her of Danny - so she scrubbed harder. The condescending looks from her coworkers ever since she upgraded from a cubicle to an office.  _ Harder. _ The way people always tried to come to her rescue and assumed she was always struggling.  _ Harder _ . The preconceived notion that she was ‘too cute’ to be professional.  _ Harder.  _ The way Carmilla opposed all of those things and treated her like an adult.  _ Softer. _ The way Carmilla looked at her like no one else ever had before.  _ Softer.  _ The feeling in her stomach when Carmilla entered her thoughts.

She drops the sponge.

As the water pours onto her body it sends shivers down her spine (though others might argue that perhaps it was notu the water’s doing). Turning off the faucet, she steps out of the shower and wraps one towel around her body and the other around her head to dry her hair. She takes a look at herself in the mirror and cannot help but frown for the reflection clearly portrays how she feels inside. 

Worn out, Exhausted, Stressed...Lonely.

The creases of her skin, the pink tinge left from where she scrubbed, the scars from one childhood memory or another - they all told a story. 

Through all this, all of the internal thought and stress, Laura could not help but wonder if the story Carmilla’s body told.

That was the thought that brought her to her knees.

-

When she came to, she awoke to the sound of Perry and LaFontaine laughing in the living room. Laura quickly stood up and put on the pajamas left for her, preparing for bed. She knew it was rude to not stay up with them but after the night she was having it was probably best for all of them if she excused herself from all of the night's festivities. Taking a deep breath, she took the last bit of courage she could find within herself and headed out into the living room to meet Perry and LaFontaine who were cuddled on the couch watching some 90’s rom-com. Any other time Laura would be thrilled to see a movie like this (she probably would have even cried a little) but as of right now all she wanted to do was find a bed and sleep off her incredibly awful day.

Hearing her enter the room, LaFontaine turned around to look at the blonde. “Hey L, are you feeling any better? Perry told me you were sick.”

Laura gave her friend a grateful look before turning back to them, “Yes I was just about to ask if it was okay if I turn in for the night.”

“Of course, the sheets on the guest bed are fresh and if you get cold there are some blankets in the closet.”

“Thanks Perr, you’re the best.” She gave a small smile before turning and heading into the guest room to lay down on the bed. 

Almost instantaneously Laura felt her eyes getting heavy and she was ready to call it a night. At least she was until her phone buzzed on the nightstand next to her head. Lazily she reached over to check the message.

She struggled to sleep for the rest of the night.


	9. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla and Laura both have their individual feelings to address.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been entirely too long and I sincerely apologize for that. I took a trip to The States and kind of got too wrapped up to write. I have had this chapter finished for a while but I was unhappy with it so I did not want to release it until I fixed it up...but you know, writer's block.  
> It would be accurate to say that Carmilla's S3 finale was able to clear that right up.

“If you pace that same spot any longer you’re going to fall straight through the floor.”

Carmilla had been pacing back and forth in her apartment as she held her phone tightly in her hand. Why in the hell had she decided to send Laura that text? She probably seemed clingy as all hell. _This_ _is why._ This is exactly the reason she did not do the feelings thing. This is exactly why she stared into the void and perfected her best scowl in public spaces. When she let the smile free or actually let her eyes connect with another’s she ended up doing shit like this.

“Seriously, you’re going to do some serious damage to your flooring.”

Carmilla stopped pacing to glare at the man perched on her couch. As soon as she sent the text she ran down the hall, only to crash into her darling brother William that unfortunately lived on her floor. When she was finally old enough to escape home, she found the cheapest apartments in the city that she could get. Apparently Will had the same idea. Needless to say, karma was a bitch.

Her phone vibrating was the only thing to stop her from burning a hole in the hardwood and brought her to park herself in the middle of the couch, a lot closer to Will than she preferred but she was too shaken to mind for the moment. She typed in the wrong password three different times before finally getting it correct and frantically opening the message.

It was from Laura.

_Cupcake:_ _I had a great day with you too! We should go there more often! Have a wonderful night, Carm._

She put her phone down on the couch and leaned her head back. The feeling sent through her body was enough to let her know that the hold Laura had on her was stronger than she originally thought.

Carmilla was fucked and she knew it. 

“Another play date tonight, Kitty?” Will smirked as he reached over for her phone, only to be caught midway with a death of a grip. He winced and tried to pull away but Carmilla’s hold was too strong.

“Listen here, Willyboy. I am not in the mood for your shit tonight so either you shut your mouth or you go back to your own shithole of an apartment.”

Will raised his eyebrow as he yanked his arm from his sister’s grip, “The kitty is feisty tonight, yes? What’s wrong? Did one of your toys finally get the upper hand? How quick were you-”

That was all Carmilla could take. She was already feeling tense but this was the last straw. With the swift movement of the wrist, Will was face-down on the edge of the couch with his arm pinned behind his back.

“Maybe you didn't hear me the first time but I'm not in the mood for this today so unless you have something urgent to say, I advise you to leave before you end up in the hospital.”

“Oh like you did just a couple months ago?” He mumbled with a groan as he tried to squirm out of her grip.

“Cheap shot,” She pushed down harder on him with a shrug, shutting him up quickly. “Now when I let you up, you are going to go back to your place and leave me the fuck alone.”

“And what if I don't?”

Carmilla smiled, “Didn't you say something about the girl in apartment 208?”

“You play dirty,” He groaned before lifting his free hand in surrender.

Finally releasing him, Will brushed himself off and gave her a smug look, “Nice seeing you again, Kitty.”

She motioned absentmindedly toward the door, directing her attention back to her cell phone as she attempted to come up with something - anything - to say back to the caramel haired beauty. She waited to hear the lock on the door click before throwing herself back on the couch in defeat. 

What the hell was she supposed to say to this woman.

-

It was early. Way too early - at least for someone who had gotten hardly any sleep the night before. Laura lay in the unfamiliar bed with uncomfortablility and defeat. She had done all she could to think of something to say to Danny when she saw her - though ‘when’ was starting to seem a lot more like an ‘if’ as the hands on the clock continued to tick no matter how much she wanted them to stop. Her dreams certainly did not help with her thought process as she seemed to keep finding her face buried in Carmilla’s neck. The thought of those sleek fingers sliding down her skin, gripping onto her, digging into her back--Not now. This was not the time for her fantasies to distract her. Laura shook her head and took a deep breath, bringing herself back to reality. She could smell the cinnamon muffins that Perry had woken up so ungodly early to make for breakfast and for the first time in her life she was not exactly thrilled to smell caramelizing sugar. If she was being honest, all she wanted to smell was Carmilla’s skin under her nose but for now she would have to settle for her imagination. Sitting up, reluctantly, Laura slipped her feet into her boots and made the bed up the same way it had been presented to her. Not necessarily worried about her appearance she made her way into the kitchen where LaFontaine sat in their pajamas staring at Perry with the biggest googly-eyes Laura had just about ever seen. Honestly, it was almost painful to watch as she ached so much for Carmilla to look at her way. Shaking the name out of her head, hoping to get rid of the face as well, Laura cleared her throat with a small smile on her face. Perry turned around, sliding her oven mitt off of her hand and giving the blonde a bright smile. 

“Good morning, sunshine! How did you sleep?”

“I slept,” Laura sighed, “That’s all that matters right?”

A frown came to Perry’s usually cheerful face, “I’m sorry , sweetheart. Is there anything I can do?”

“It’s really okay. You have done more for me than you could ever imagine and I am so thankful.”

“You don’t have to thank me!” Perry smiled as she handed a clearly-hungry LaFontaine a muffin, “This is what best friends do right?”

Laura smiled at the idea of her and Perry being best friends, “Well if you ever need anything I will be there for you as well. You can count on it”   
With a grateful smile, Perry handed Laura a muffin as she began to eat one herself. They all sat eating quietly for a moment before LaF eyed the muffin tin, earning an eye roll from Perry before being handed another muffin. They gave a sheepish grin before digging into their second helping. 

“I think I’m going to head out,” Laura said as she finished her muffin.

Perry looked at her surprised, taking a large swallow, “Leaving so soon?”

Laura shrugged, “I shouldn’t be afraid to go to the house that I also pay for. Besides, I think I know what I want to say.”

But that was far from the truth. Laura had no idea what she wanted to say and was in no way ready to go back home but she could not bear to watch LaFontaine and Perry swoon over each other any longer. In all honesty it hurt. It hurt to watch people so clearly in love dance in circles around each other with fear of rejection. She found it selfish for them to not take advantage of such a perfect opportunity. It was so obvious that they knew they were soulmates yet they still refused to do anything about it while Laura struggled to even figure out where her own head was at the moment. She had to get out of there.

Receiving and encouraging head nod from LaFontaine, Laura headed towards the front door. “Thanks again, Perr. I appreciate everything that you have done for me.”

“You are always welcome back, sweetheart. Take care of yourself.”

“You do the same,” She turned to LaFontaine with a soft smile, “Treat her well.”

They ducked their head slightly in embarrassment, avoiding eye contact but giving a quick nod before Laura wrapped her jacket around herself and heading out of the quaint home. 

-

“Shit,” Carmilla mumbled to herself as she grabbed her foot after kicking a rock that was much harder than she had expected. She had been walking around the city for longer than she intended in an attempt to clear her mind. She was unsure of what to say to Laura all she knew was that she wanted to see her again and that she sure as hell did not want her to be with Danny anymore. Not after what she knew now. Laura could do so much better and maybe she was not better but Danny sure as hell was not fit for the job either. Danny did not deserve someone as amazing as Laura and she would stick by that until the end of her days. That’s the the exact reason her feet started subconsciously directing her to Laura’s house. It was only when she heard her name being called that she realized where she was.

“Carm! Hey, wait! Carmilla!”

The brunette closed her eyes in embarrassment before turning around and plastering a smile on her face, “Hey there, Cupcake.”

Laura stopped in front of her, taking a second to catch her breath though she struggled to find it with such a huge smile on her face, “What are you doing here?”

“I-I,” What was she doing here? Carmilla was not even sure at this point this just happened to be where she ended up. But there was no way that she was telling Laura that. “I was actually just taking a walk and I figured I would stop by and see if you wanted to maybe take me up on my offer.”  _ Nice one. Play it smooth. _

An even bigger smile erupted onto Laura’s face, “I would love to. Just let me go in and freshen up and then I’m all yours.”

Carmilla couldn’t help but sigh when Laura turned to head into her house. If only she actually was hers.

Turning around, Laura raised her eyebrow. “Are you coming?”

The brunette jumped slightly before nodding and following the smaller woman into the house. 

It was certainly much cleaner than her own apartment, that was for sure. Everything here had it’s place and nothing was askew. Carmilla made a quick note to herself that she would definitely have to deep clean her place before she ever even thought about bringing Laura into that mess. She was almost ashamed of herself. Almost.

“Feel free to make yourself at home,” Laura smiled as she gestured to the couch, “Can I get you something to drink? I have water, wine...chocolate milk.”

Carmilla couldn’t help but smirk as she sat down where she was directed, “Of course you do, Cupcake. I’m okay for now though, thank you.”

“Ha ha,” The blonde rolled her eyes, “I will be right down.”

“Take your time,” Carmilla assured as she sat as still as she could until Laura was out of sight. As soon as the other woman was gone she instantly squirmed in her seat, doing her best to get comfortable but it was no use. There was no way she could ever be comfortable in a home that also was owned by her own boss and Laura’s love. The atmosphere was all wrong. It felt as if everything that could have been made beautiful by Laura was tainted by the presence of Danny and that put a sinking feeling into her stomach. Even the smell was all wrong. A place that should smell like Laura’s sugar and beauty had a hint of brutality in it - a brutality that definitely did not belong. She didn’t even want to think about it anymore so she didn’t. She sat there in silence until Laura came down the stairs with an incredible smile on her face.

“You look beautiful,” Carmilla said before she could stop herself. Instantly her face turned red and she was ready to run but the look on Laura’s face completely changed her mind.

“You think so?” The blonde whispered, looking down at herself.

“I do.”

They sat quietly for a moment before Laura looked up with tears in her eyes.

Carmilla stood up, panicked, “Shit, Laura I’m so sorry.”

“No,” She shook her head, “No I just, sorry I’m a crier...I just really needed to hear that.” She gave a small smile and brought the brunette into a strong embrace. “Thanks, Carm.”

“Any time, Cupcake...any time.”

They remained in the embrace for a bit longer until Carmilla reluctantly pulled away. God did she want to hold Laura for as long as she lived but she knew she couldn't. It wouldn't be right. Laura clearly was dealing with enough right now, the last thing she needed was to have Carmilla pushing her.

“So, where to?” Carmilla said quietly as she shoved her hands in her pockets.

Laura leaned side to side nervously, “Well I was maybe thinking we could just hang here for a while. Have a girl’s night..”

The brunette's eyes widened as her eyes couldn't help but dart to the clock, “Umm as great as that sounds, are you not afraid of Xena coming home?”

“I suppose you're right,” Laura sighed, “Maybe we could go to your house then?”

“No way,” Carmilla stepped back, shaking her head, “You mean enough to me for me to not bring you into that mess.”

Laura smiled and rolled her eyes, “Oh please, it cannot be that bad.”

“Unfortunately you have no idea how wrong you are cupcake.”

“Fine, well can I see it some day when you think it is suitable enough for my presence?” Laura winked.  _ Winked. _ God, this girl.

“We’ll see, Cupcake. Until then, what would you like to do?”

“Anything...as long as I can do it with you.”

Carmilla didn’t even try to stop the blush that came to her face. There was no point as it was inevitable. Just like Laura. There was just something about her that couldn’t stop Carmilla’s feet from moving. Something telling her to not lose sight of this girl. To not lose this color. No matter the reality of it, Carmilla just couldn’t shake the thought that Laura was something to her. Something that she could not let go of. Soulmate or not, Laura was special and there was no way that she was letting go of that.

So she complied. The pair did anything and everything around the beautiful city until the sun fell and the moon rose - a beautiful, yet unwanted, signal for the end of their night together. The only thing pulling them apart was the reassurance of seeing each other soon enough bright and early Monday morning. Laura offered for them to meet at the train station and Carmilla graciously agreed - a gesture that truly did not go unnoticed by the smaller woman, though she would never acknowledge it outloud in fear of Carmilla retreating into herself.

They got each other. They understood. Something neither of them got from anyone else. That in itself was celestial. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For all that wait you would think it would be longer but...
> 
> I have no excuse. Sorry.


	10. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Risks are taken. Choices are made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to make this chapter longer than normal in apology for my absence (-:

“Listen, Cupcake, I’m telling you that if it was between me and a bear, I could really do some damage.”

The pair entered the building, Laura holding a coffee that Carmilla insisted on buying her on their way to work because it was _“so much better than the one in the office”_. Carmilla would never admit it but that was not the only reason that she took a detour on the way to work. She just really wanted to have Laura to herself a little longer. Was that too much to ask? Judging by the way Laura’s face lit up when Carmilla grabbed her hand to direct her to the coffee shop, it clearly was not. They had been holding hands since they had left the shop, only to let them drop from each other when they were shot a suspicious look by one of the secretaries. Laura longed to reach back for the warmth of Carmilla’s hand but it was no use now. She was not even sure how to go about it, especially in the office that Danny also worked in. She knew it was wrong to feel the way she was feeling about Carmilla, especially since she had still not talked to Danny, but the brunette just felt so inevitable. It was almost as if they were drawn to each other...as if...no. That was impossible and she refused to let her mind go there.

“Hey, Earth to Laura. You okay?”

Laura snapped out of her thoughts hearing Carmilla’s voice, “Yes, I’m so sorry. What were you saying?”

“I was saying that you’re spilling coffee all over yourself. Are you sure that you’re alright?”

Laura looked down at her hand and sure enough, her cup was tipping right over and spilling down her arm. How had she not felt the heat?

“Shit, I’m sorry. I got really distracted.” She looked around the elevator that she did not even remember boarding for some napkins before sighing. “I think I’m really stressed about seeing Danny today.”

Carmilla led her off of the elevator onto the floor where she worked to grab some napkins from the concessions table, “Did you two not talk last night?”

Laura shrugged, “Not really. She spent most of the day out doing God knows what while I stayed home and...sulked.” She gave a small smile as Carmilla helped dry the coffee off of her, “I guess that I’m just not really sure what to do at this point.”

The brunette looked at her for a moment before taking her free hand into her own, “As cliche as it might sound, you really should follow your heart. Do what feels best...what feels right. Deep down you know how you feel and only you can determine what to do with that information. Until then, you’re going to keep dealing with this static suffering,” Carmilla stepped a bit closer and lowered her voice, “and watching you suffer...well let's just say you’re not the only one hurting from this. The idea of you suffering is something that haunts me way more than it should at this point of us knowing each other but...there’s just something about you. Something that makes me feel like...like-”

“Like _this_ is right?” Laura finished for her with a small smile, earning a nod from the brunette. “I think I know what I need to do.”

“Just protect yourself, cutie. I’ve got to head to work but maybe I’ll see you during lunch?”

“Totally,” Laura gave her a lingering hug before pulling away with a smile. The look on Carmilla’s face told her everything that she needed to know. With a small wave, she turned around to catch the elevator before heading up to her own office.

The heaviness in her heart was nowhere to be found as she sat down at her desk and logged into her computer. Could Carmilla really meant what she said? That there was something about the two of them together? An energy? A pull? She knew better than to let these thoughts continue but she couldn’t help it. Her thoughts were racing as fast as her beating heart and all she could think about was the fact that Danny had never made her feel like this, not even in the early stages of her relationship.

That thought was enough to shut her mind off completely.

-

Carmilla sat down at her desk with a deep breath. She couldn’t help but smile at the thought of Laura confirming that she was not the only one who felt their connection. It gave her hope - hope that maybe this could be something someday. If not now then all she could wish for was eventually.

She was drawn out of her thoughts by the slight sting of pain from what could only be described as a needle pushing through her skin. “Why?” She exclaimed, yanking her arm out of the redhead’s grip.

LaFontaine smirked, releasing her from the pinch, before handing her a piece of paper, “Look what I did.”

Carmilla’s eyes ran over the paper quickly before she turned to them with wide eyes, “What the frilly hell is this?!”

LaFontaine had given them a flyer that announced a meetup in Central Park for anyone who had been at the train station at the same time that Carmilla had been able to see color and had not found their soulmate yet. She knew that they were just trying to help but Carmilla could not help be incredibly embarrassed.

“Please tell me that you have not put this anywhere?”

They shuffled in their spot before giving a pitiful look, “How mad would you be if I did?”

“LaFontaine,” She growled through gritted teeth.

Backing up their held their hands up in defense, “Hey! It’s not like it has your name on it! No one will even know it’s you until they get there and they will be in the same position so you shouldn’t be embarrassed!”

Carmilla rolled her eyes, leaning back in her chair, “I really hate you sometimes.”

“I can live with that,” They shrugged, “Now, I need your opinion.”

She turned around to face them, upon the realization that she was not going to get any work done while they were at their desk, “Is this about Suzy Homemaker?” Before they could respond, she continued, “Yes, you two would be great together. It is weird but it works. No, I will not ask Laura on a date so that you two can double date because I’m not sure if you forgot but she is in a committed relationship to our _boss_.”

“Yeah but we all know how that’s going! Please, I really need you to help me out with this. You know I’m not good with this relationship stuff!”

“What makes you think I am,” She ran her hand through her hair, “Look, I really want to help you but I am kind of dealing with my own situation with Laura at the moment and I’m not sure what’s going on but I am not messing that up for your benefit.”

LaFontaine groaned, “What if we make it less of a date and more of a hang out?”

“Such as?”

“I don’t know! Maybe we could go to my place and have a movie and wine night?”

Carmilla sat quietly for a moment before sighing, “I’ll talk to her about it.”

“Thank you so much!” LaFontaine leaned forward and brought her into a quick hug before being pushed away.

“Alright, Einstein, I don’t like you that much. Now go away so I can actually get some work done.”

-

By the time lunch rolled around Carmilla had gotten practically nothing done as all she could think about was how to go about asking Laura to LaFontaine’s ‘hang out’. She was scared shitless of rejection and as much as she cared about LaF, she also knew how much this could affect any chances of anything happening with Laura as well. That was the thought that made her nearly bang her head on her desk when her phone rang.

She struggled to pull it out of her pocket before putting it up to her ear, “Hello?”

“Hey, are we still on for lunch?”

“Of course we are. Would you like me to come meet you at your office?”

“I would but..” The line clicked off but the voice behind her compelled Carmilla to turn around to see the blonde with a beaming smile on her face, “I am kind of already here.”

“Hey there, Cupcake.”

“Hey! Sorry, I was just super hungry and didn’t want to wait any longer.”

“Well then I hope you made a decision on what to eat because I’m fresh out of ideas.” It was true. Carmilla’s brain was pretty much shut off at this point and she could not think about anything else even if she tried. Well at least that is what she thought until her eye caught Laura’s. That was when her thoughts changed almost completely from stress to relief. There it was again. That thing that made Laura so inevitable. Carmilla knew she was in way over her head and now there was going back.

“Actually...I want to show you something.”

 

The pair walked hand in hand down the sidewalk, nearly tripping over each other from how close they were standing. Carmilla knew that there was a fairly empty cafe just about a block or two down from their office building that she used to visit when she just needed to get away. It was always her private place but she was more than happy to show Laura, especially when the blonde was cuddled into her the way that she was.

As Carmilla opened the front door, Laura’s face instantly lit up as she inhaled.

“Mmm, smells like cinnamon.”

“I figured you would like that,” Carmilla smiled. “This is one of my favorite places to go because it is always so quiet and I intend to keep it that way.” She turned to Laura with a wink, “I’m trusting that you can keep this between us.”

“My lips are sealed,” The blonde smiled before following her further into the restaurant.

Carmilla found them a seat that was secluded towards the back of the cafe even though there was only one other customer dining. Something about the back of the cafe just seemed more intimate and as much as she knew it was wrong she couldn’t resist it having Laura all to herself. When she returned back to the table with Laura’s hot cocoa and her own apple cider, she couldn’t help the smile that came to her face when she noticed how Laura was perched up on the booth cushion, strands of hair falling in front of her face with the rosiness from the cold outside still slightly visible on her cheeks. Carmilla could not remember ever seeing such a beautiful woman as long as she has lived.

Not even... _Alright, Easy Karnstein. This is not the time to think about this._ _The past is the past._ She though to herself - and it was true. The past was only filled with bad memories and regret while the future...well the future was looking pretty bright as of right now.

Approaching the side of the booth, she placed Laura’s hot cocoa down on the table. “Surprise, Cupcake. I brought you back a brownie too.”

“You’re too good to me,” Laura gave her a wild smile as she took her treat. “Thank you.”

Carmilla gave a small smile before sitting down on her own side of the booth and taking a sip of her cider. It was delicious as always and as the heat of the liquid coursed through her veins, she instantly remembered exactly why this was her favorite place - now even more so with Laura sitting across from her with that breath taking smile on her face as she enjoyed the chocolatey brownie. The brunette could have sat in this silence forever watching the other woman be so unknowingly beautiful but she knew that would only lead herself to doing something that she would ultimately end up regretting.

That was why she decided to ask the dreaded question.

“So LaFontaine is having some sort of hangout at their house and they wanted me to invite you to come along.”

“I would love to! Did they want me to bring Perry?”

“Is that even a question?” Carmilla rolled her eyes playfully before taking another sip of her drink. "Those two are practically engaged yet they still insist on using me as a wing-woman." Apparently that was the right thing to say because Laura giggled. She _giggled_. That was enough to send her over the edge. Her heart began to beat faster than she had thought possible - an effect that Laura really seemed to keep having on her.

As she tried to return her heart rate to normal, they sat in silence a bit longer as Carmilla mentally checked off one uncomfortable situation down, one more to go.

She knew better than to open this door because once it was opened she knew it wouldn't close no matter what the outcome. God she did not want to ask this question but she was dying to know. Taking a deep breath, she went for it. “So, what did you ultimately end up deciding this morning?”

As the words left her lips she instantly regret them. She knew that if it was not the answer that she wanted, her whole world would collapse and she was not ready for that. She was not ready to let Laura go. Especially not here. Not now.

The smile on Laura’s face instantly dropped and Carmilla seriously considered faking her own death right there and there to distract from the humiliation that she was about to endure.

Before she could withdraw her question, Laura opened her mouth. “I...I don’t think I can answer that.”

“Why not?” Carmilla asked before biting her tongue and cursing under her breath. _Why? Why do I insist on torturing myself?_

“I just,” Laura sighed, “I don’t want to ruin what we have right now. I like,” She gestured between them, “whatever this is.”

The brunette still was not sure whether to rejoice or break down. This could still go either way but she took a chance. She took a chance and swallowed her pride to say, “I like this too...a lot.”

 _Good one, Karnstein_. She though to herself as a small smile came to Laura’s face. Obviously that was the correct thing to say there but would she continue to get lucky?

“Listen, I am going to go out on a limb and say something that I definitely should not say but I feel the need to say because it is eating me up but if you don’t feel the same I’m going to really be embarrassed so there is a really divided chance that I will either leave here ecstatic or heartbroken so I am really playing Russian Roulette right now and basically what I am trying to say is that I _really_ like you and not in the friend way. I like you in the way that when I hear your name, my heart flutters. When I see your face, I feel like my world is finally making sense...And I understand that feeling this way is completely inappropriate so I would completely understand if you got up and walked away from me right now but I really wanted to let you know and you’re not saying anything and I am feeling very uncomfortable right now so I think I am going to just walk away now thank you so much for my brownie and hot cocoa.” She stood up and quickly and hurried as fast as she could out of the cafe without even giving Carmilla a chance to speak.

The brunette sat still in her seat baffled and trying to process everything that she just heard. Did she understand correctly? She couldn’t possibly have. There was no way that she made Laura’s heart beat just as fast as hers. But what else could she have meant by that? What was she supposed to do now? What was she supposed to think?

Oh hell. Now was not the time to think. Now was the time to act.

Leaving her cider on the table, Carmilla hurried out of the cafe trying to catch up with Laura who was standing at the corner of the sidewalk about to frantically cross the street - only stopping for a quick second to make sure the road was clear and wait for her turn to legally step out into the road. _God, this woman._

Carmilla ran over to her, as gracefully as possible in the slightly melted snow, and grabbed her hand before she could cross the street. “Laura, hold on a second.”

The blonde turned around with slight tears pooling at the edge of her eyes, “I...I’m so sorry. Please forget everything that I said I just really-”

Before she could finish, Carmilla pulled the smaller woman closer and brought her into a soft kiss. “Don't apologize,” She whispered as they pulled away for a split second, only to bring their lips right back together into a more passionate kiss. It sent chills down her spine how well their lips instantly matched each others. It was as if this was exactly where they were meant to be. Laura was supposed to be here in her arms and she refused to let that go. Pulling back, only slightly, she sighed, “Cupcake, sometimes when I look at you I feel like I can’t breathe in the most incredible way possible. The way my heart pounds when you smile is a feeling that I have not felt in God knows how long - if ever. So do not apologize for the way you feel because that is nothing to be sorry about. No matter what everyone else thinks is right, I have never felt more right than I do right now with you.”

Laura looked at her for a small second before bringing them into another impassioned kiss, “I want nothing more than this...than you.” She sighed, looking down at her feet as their foreheads rested against each other. “But I know that I can’t have you. Danny’s my soulmate and I can’t break that chain for my own selfish reasons." She swallowed and moved back to look in her eyes, "No matter how right this feels, it can't be and we both know that.”

The brunette’s mouth opened slightly as the other woman began to back away. “Laura, please don’t do this. You can’t do this. Not after everything you just said”

“I’m so sorry, Carm. I shouldn't have said anything.” She whispered, the tears finally falling, before releasing herself from Carmilla’s grip and hurrying across the street, running in the snow until the brunette could no longer see her.

So Carmilla stood there in the snow with a broken heart and frozen toes. Once again she was left behind. Coerced into spilling her feelings only to have them swept away by reality. She wanted to scream until her lungs would no longer fill up. Scream until there was nothing left to scream about. This is what she got for letting herself fall into this mess. _This_ is what she got for following her heart. Now she had nothing. No faith, no love.

No Laura.

At that moment Carmilla knew that she was completely wrong. The door was shut.

-

Walking back to the office from the cafe was quieter and more heavy than she ever imagined it could have been. She was tempted to head home and call one of her _friends_ but she knew that would only lead her to make terrible and regrettable decisions. At work she was forced to keep herself sane and safe - well as sane as she could be in an office like this. But she was forced to make the most of what she had. It was either that or lose her job.

At least that’s what she thought until she sat down at her desk and opened her messages, only to find an email from the giant carrot - the last person she wanted to come into contact with right about now. Knowing her luck, this was just another cursing from the universe that was seemingly in refusal of giving her any sort of break from negativity. With a groan, she stood back up and took her time making it to Danny’s office. The longer she took to get there, the more time she had to recover what could definitely be referred to as the lunch break from hell.

Upon reaching the door to the office, Carmilla’s angsty exterior instantly came to the foreground. She had always used her unbothered persona to protect herself - even as a small child. It was her only defense in times like this.

“Xena,”

“Karnstein, sit down.”

 _Oh Shit._ Carmilla did as she was told and sat down in the chair facing directly where Danny was sitting. She knew that this was going to be over quick but whether that would be a good thing or a bad thing was something that she truly did not know. That scared her the most.

“So,” Danny deadpanned as she leaned against the desk, “I couldn’t help but overhear a couple of your coworkers talking about seeing you out with Laura.”

 _Yep. Totally getting fired._ Carmilla sighed and rolled her eyes even though her stomach felt like it was in her feet, “We went out to lunch, yes.”

“Mhm, can I ask when you two got so close?”

“Are you feeling threatened?” She smirked. Hell, if she was going to get fired she was going to go all out.

Right as Danny was about to answer, the door cracked open, revealing Laura with her mouth slightly open. “I..I’m sorry. I’ll come back later.”

Instantly the redhead stood up, “No - no, you’re okay. Is everything alright?”

“Yeah,” It was clear that Laura was doing everything that she could to keep her eyes off of Carmilla but it was no use. As soon as their eyes connected it was as if all time stopped, neither of them knowing how to react.

So Carmilla did what she did best. She smirked, rolled her eyes, and then turned back to Danny. “I think we should reschedule this little ‘meeting’ of ours, don’t you?”

The redhead shot her a look before mumbling, “You’re dismissed” and reaching out for Laura who was still standing in the same place she had been before without any indication of even the smallest of movements.

Carmilla did everything in her power to swallow the lump in her throat as she passed by Laura, their eyes connecting one last time, and exited the office. As soon as the door shut behind her, her fists instantly balled up.

This was not how it was supposed to go. This was just another way the universe decided to hand her a big ‘Fuck You’ for stepping outside of herself and taking chances. Maybe she was just meant to be this way. Maybe she was just meant to be callous and cold with women and sin being the only consistent forces in her life. Maybe that was just the way her story was supposed to go. She cursed herself for not accepting it when she had the chance - when she thought she learned this lesson the first time. Why had she been so stubborn? She had let this happen to her once again.

But no more. There was no way she would do this to herself again. Not after this. She was unlovable and there was no soulmate for her and that was okay. If that was the truth then that was how she would live.

The real Carmilla was back and she was here to stay.


	11. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla acknowledges her own self worth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! So, I finally was able to purchase the S3 Bundle and I am so happy that I could cry. There are so many beautiful extras and hilarious bloopers we are honestly so lucky to have creators that provide this extra content.
> 
> Also, I have been sitting on this chapter for a while not sure if I wanted to add more to it or not but I decided to leave it as it is so I hope you enjoy it.

Carmilla sat up and ran her fingers through her hair, trying to comb through as many knots out as possible, before throwing her shirt over her head. Needless to say, she was taking this heartbreak pretty well. That is if calling up an old fling for drinks and then taking her back to your apartment for a good time could be considered ‘taking it well’. 

She didn't care either way. She just wanted the woman out out so she could clear her head. She had a raging headache from the inordinate amount of alcohol she ended up consuming just to keep up with the other woman who  _ insisted _ on paying for their drinks. And who would say no to free alcohol? At a time like this? Not Carmilla that was for sure.

But that was then and this was now and as of right now she just wanted to have a good night's sleep to officially clear her head of the day’s bullshit. Clearly, that was not possible as some people did not necessarily understand the concept of a one-night stand.

“Alright, time to go.” Carmilla nudged the other woman who was hanging halfway off of the bed.

She groaned and stretched out her arms before turning over with a smirk, “Kicking me out so soon, are you? What? Not on for round three?”

Carmilla couldn't help but roll her eyes at the sloppiness of the other woman as she slightly slurred her words together, “Well unlike you, some of us actually have jobs to go to.” She stood up to slide the first bottoms she could find onto her legs, not worried about having anything under them at this point. It wasn't as if anyone could see past her bellybutton from the other side of the bar anyway. “Listen,” She signed, “I really need to go. You can stay here and sober up before you head back home but I expect you to be out by the time I get back.” She was not sure why she was giving the woman so much mercy when usually she would be quick to throw her out. The thought that Laura’s empathy was rubbing off on her was almost sickening. 

The other woman gave a mock salute before rolling back over and burying her face into the pillow. Carmilla groaned as she threw her hair into a sub-par ponytail before grabbing her keys shouting, “You better not get sick on anything either,” over her shoulder as she shut the door behind her.

The walk to the bar was just as uneventful as usual, the only difference being that she was consciously trying to keep a certain someone from popping into her head though it was incredibly hard when that someone was the only person she wanted to think about. Those beautiful eyes, that bright smile...those scarring words. She sure knew how to pick them. Always going after the ones that insisted on reminding her why she never put herself out there in the first place.

_ Stop that. It's over. Mother might have been on the more aggressive side but one thing she did not do was raise weak children. Straighten up. _

Carmilla shook her head to herself before continuing on the short route to the bar. She had to admit that being immediately praised and greeted as she entered made her feel a little better. Stepping into the heat was also a definite plus, no matter how stale, as she chose not to bring a jacket on the way in hopes of sobering up quicker. Needless to say she was thankful the lights were relatively dimmed inside.

“Whoa! What are you doing here tonight, Carm-sexy?”

And then there was Kirsh. The poorest excuse for a bartender yet the biggest puppy-dog-softie she had ever met. Sure he was not the most agile but as a grade-A frat bro he could make a damn good drink when he tried. Carmilla would never admit it but she loved working shifts with him as no matter what her mood, he still was his genuine sweet self and did everything to make her smile - even if it meant losing some of his best female customers.That was one of the main reasons she decided to come in. Sometimes she needed a little bit of his optimism to help her through.

But she would never admit that to him so instead she shot him a look at the nickname, earning a sheepish grin, before stepping behind the bar and tying an apron around her waist as customers immediately started asking her for drinks. “Just needed to clear my head.” 

“Is everything alright, bro? It's kind of loud in here. How does that help you clear your head?”

Sliding a drink across the bar with a wink at the man who always tipped well with any attention that came his way, she accepted the cash that he happily handed her. “Think of it more as a distraction.”

“Oh totally! Like when I have too much homework so I just play video games instead!”

“Yes, Beefstick, exactly like that,” She dead panned though she could feel the twitch at the corner of her lips in response to his ridiculous analogies.  _ At least he’s trying _ , She thought to herself before making herself a shot and downing it quickly as she listened to another customer’s request.

 

It was not until closing time that Carmilla finally had a chance to breathe. It was no secret that she was the best at her job and that the large male population they had would rather choose her over Kirsch but it was nights like this where she actually wished the work was divided a bit more evenly. She technically was not even supposed to work tonight and she always felt guilty watching Kirsh count his tips and try his best to budget for the week. Especially since in retrospect she did not necessarily need the money. 

Sometimes she would sneak a few notes into his apron when he was distracted but tonight was not one of those nights. He seemed frantic as he shoved the money into his pants pocket, removed his apron, and hurried out of the bar, yelling a quick “See ya, bro,” over his shoulder on the way out. 

As she watched him head out she stayed behind and began cleaning up her station. Usually she couldn't have been bothered to even stay a second after the clock struck in indication of her final hour but tonight she was really avoiding going home. Especially when here she was exposed to free and ridiculously overpriced alcohol - something she definitely could not get at home. 

Pouring herself a decent glass of bourbon, she leaned against the bar for a second before looking over at the piano. She was always so tempted to play but Kirsch usually stayed later and she refused to play in front of anyone. Now was her chance. She was alone in the bar and this was her opportunity to get everything off of her chest. It was funny how something that she was forced to do during her childhood somehow was able to bring her relief as usually anything tied to her childhood was more of an obstacle and a burden than a comfort.

As she approached the piano she heard the front door to the bar click, causing her to jump back and spill the alcohol back onto her shirt.

“Oh for fucks sake-”

“Carm?”

The brunette stopped in her tracks and refused to turn towards the voice. There was no way she was here.

“How did you…how did you know I was here?”

“I...LaFontaine told me that you work here sometimes.”

“Well we’re closed, Creampuff. You're going to have to wait until tomorrow to get your fruity cocktail,” She turned around on her heel finally to look at the smaller woman who stood at the door.

“I...I don't-” She shook her head as she stepped forward, “I didn't come here for alcohol.” 

“Well then I’m afraid you’re at the wrong establishment, cutie.” Carmilla smirked at her before hopping off of the stage and beginning to wipe down her shirt. As good as whiskey was to drink, it was not such a good perfume. 

“Carm...please. I just wanted to talk-”

The brunette couldn't help but shudder at the nickname, “Oh really? About what? By the way that you ran away from me, I assumed that there was nothing  _ to _ talk about.”

“I...I shouldn't have just left you like that, and I’m sorry. But I just didn't know what to do. I’m clearly not the best at handling my problems when they stare me directly in the face.”

“Well this is the way I see it,” Carmilla stepped closer to her with a cold expression on her face that even she could feel. As painful as it was, she knew it was the only way to protect herself, “If I am such a problem, then maybe it's best if you do your own thing from now on because from the looks of it, you seem to have a lot of problems in your life right now.”

“You know that's not what you want. You don't want me to go away,” She reached out to grab ahold of Carmilla’s hand. “I know I’m hard to deal with and I’ve made a mess of everything but you said it yourself - the way we feel is right-”

“Yeah, and you confirmed that to be untrue,” She pulled her hand back and shook her head, “Listen, Laura, I can't be the cure to your heartache. When you figure out what the hell is going on, feel free to give me a call but until then...just-...just do me a favor and keep me out of it.” Stepping back, Carmilla had to look away. It was the only way to protect herself from Laura’s eyes. The heartbreak in them was enough to convince the brunette to take back everything that she had said. But she couldn't. She had to stick by her word or else she would end up even more hurt. Heading behind the bar to finish stacking glasses, she kept her back turned until she finally heard the door shut.

That was when the tears came.

-

Laura stepped into the taxicab with a heavy heart and frozen fingers. Leave it to her to fuck up the one good thing that she had going for her. She pushed away from the open arms that Carmilla had outstretched wide for her because she was selfish. Her inability to understand her feelings led her to ruining not only one but now  _ two  _ of her relationships. She was really making a name for herself at this point.  _ Well done, Hollis. Way to handle your shit. _

The ride back to her home was far too quick for her liking as she knew Danny would probably be there tonight and she truly was not in the mood to be pressured into spilling the forbidden secret of what could have been between her and Carmilla. Especially not with the woman she was supposed to love. Laura already knew the night would be difficult just because that was how her luck seemed to be working out. That is why it was almost of no shock to her when she walked in the house to see Danny sitting on the couch facing the door, one leg crossed over the other and a half empty glass of wine on the table in front of her. 

“Do you know what time it is?” The redhead questioned quietly without making eye contact with the opposite woman.

“Yeah,” Laura replied but instantly regret her tone as her voice seemed to boom through the room that was filled with the tension radiating between them. It was just frustrating how she felt as if she was being confronted by her father for coming home after curfew. That is not what she wanted in a partner. Not what she needed. But just the same she did not need anymore problems in her life so she decided to adjust her statement. “I mean...why are you awake?”

“I woke up and you weren't here. Why didn't you answer your phone? I was so worried that something happened to you.”

Laura swallowed the words that were threatening to spill out. It was not like Danny was saying anything bad, she was just worried about her fiancée. But something about Danny. Something about the fact that it was Danny saying it just made her so irrationally angry. That revelation is what scared her the most.

“I just don’t know what to do,” The taller woman tried again with as a sigh when Laura did not saying anything. “I feel like no matter what I do, it is not enough.” She sighed, pulling both hands vertically down her face in anguish, “I love you, Laura. But these days I am not even sure if you feel the same. Did I do something to make things this way? Am I going to the gym too much? Is it work? Should I take more days off to spend with you? Would that fix this because I can't feel this way anymore. What can I do?-”

“Danny...Danny,” Laura sighed and sat on the couch next to her fiancée, “It's nothing that you're doing. I've been in a weird place recently and I'm sorry that my actions are affecting you too but I just need you to be patient with me.”

“Why can't you tell me what is bothering you? Why won't you let me help you?”

“Because Danny sometimes I don’t want your help.” She snapped at the other woman. The look on the redheads face was enough to have her reluctantly attempt to change the weight of her words, “I’m sorry. I just really need to handle this on my own.”

“Are you...are you cheating on me? Are you on something?”

Laura’s eyes widened as she looked at her fiancee with disbelief.  _ Is she serious? _ She always knew Danny was ridiculous but she never realized how incredibly outrageous she could be if she really tried. It was as if she didn’t know the other woman at all. For Danny to think that poorly of her said a lot more than maybe the other woman even intended it to but the damage was done and now she was enraged. Danny may have been possibly right about the latter but that last accusation was a step too far.

“Fuck you, Danny. Fuck you.” She stepped in front of the other woman and picked up the bottle of wine, “I don’t tell you one thing and now all of a sudden I’m an addict?”

“It runs in your family, Laura. Your mother-”

“Don't you dare talk about my mother,” She spoke sharply through gritted teeth. 

Danny sighed back into her seat, knowing better than to push. “You’re just concerning me. This isn't like you so I’m sorry if I have to try and assume.”

“You want to fucking talk about me? This bottle was filled to the brim last time I checked and you don’t hear me accusing you of being an alcoholic! You don’t just assume the worst when you don’t have answers. What kind of relationship is that? One I sure don’t want to be in-”

“You’re being crazy, Laura. I’m sorry if I am worried about the woman that I love-”

“You don’t fucking love me and you know it.” 

Before she could go off on another rant, she found herself pressed against the taller woman with their lips connected. This is not what she needed but it was a deterrence - a way to distract her from all the bullshit. If this made it go away, she was willing to do what she needed.

Though as hard as she tried, the rest of the night her mind just wouldn’t clear from the desire for it to be Carmilla’s body connected to hers instead. That was the thought that took any ounce of pleasure she had left right from her.

She supposed it was what she deserved.

-

When she entered the office, Carmilla made a beeline for LaFontaine’s desk as she avoiding the glances from coworkers who had never seen her move so fast in the morning. It was clear to say that she had made a reputation as a less than personable human being in the early hours. 

She had made up her mind last night on the walk home from the bar. She couldn't keep dealing with these hookups - not when Laura was all her mind seemed to be thinking of. But she also couldn't live her life for the benefit of the blonde. She had to get that beautiful face out of her mind if she wanted to be free from the hold that the other woman seemed to have on her. That was why she found herself leaning against the side of LaFontaine’s cube. Needless to say, she was desperate for guidance.

“Uh oh,” LaFontaine muttered as they looked up to see the intense look on Carmilla’s face. “You look like you lost the other electron to your covalent bond. What happened?”

“Don't worry about it,” She replied in a tone that almost dared LaFontaine to push harder but they decided against having their own liver fed to them and decided to stay quiet. “I was just wondering how our little search was going.”

They raised their eyebrow, earning a glare from

the brunette, before straightening their expression and nodding toward their computer. “As of right now, so far so good. You have a couple of people who think they might be the one.”

“And what do you think?” She asked quietly as she stepped further into the office. It took a lot for Carmilla to be open and as much as she didn't want to admit it, she respected their opinion a lot as they were one of her only real friends.

“It doesn't matter what I think.” They spoke flatly as they clicked back to the document that they had been working on, “Reality says that your soulmate is out there and whoever it is supposed to be will be there.”

Carmilla wanted to press and ask what they meant by that but she was also not one to request elaboration, especially because she hated when people did that to her. It was only fair that she let them leave it at that. As she turned to walk away, they decided to speak up - stopping her in her tracks. 

“I don't want to push but is it something with Laura?” They paused for a second but in lieu for no response, LaFontaine sighed. “I know I am not supposed to say anything but Laura is really struggling right now. She called Perry yesterday in fear that she had ruined whatever you two had going on and...she was really upset. You know that everything I do will be in favor of you because whether you want to admit it or not, I am one of the few people that has your true best interest at heart. So I want to warn you...she is still coming to Perry’s and no matter what is going on, I invited you first and I really do want you to come. It’s your decision but I thought I would let you know.”

Carmilla wasn't sure what to say - something that was not exactly foreign to her - but she was thankful that LaF understood that about her. 

“Okay,” She replied with a quick head nod before she headed back to her own desk and began unsuccessfully working on her own projects. It only took her about 15 minutes of staring at the screen that she decided that she needed answers now. Sending a quick email to the red head, Carmilla leaned back in her chair in an attempt to clear her head of anything regaurding Laura. The less she thought about her, the easier it would be.

 

The second she heard the ding, signaling a reply from LaFontaine, she instantly began to delve into the search for her distraction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of the incredible comments that you all left on the last Chapter it is so incredibly motivating and I appreciate it a lot.


	12. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura tries, Carmilla resists.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, I am so thankful for the feedback on the last chapter. Thank you for sticking with me and this story I swear it will be worth it in the end.  
> I also tried to make this chapter a bit longer but strangely it turned out so short. Needless to say, I am disappointed

Laura stalked into the office building significantly later than she was meant to arrive. Usually if she was even five minutes late she was running in and apologizing to everyone she came in contact with. This morning she could not even be bothered to hold the elevator. Her hair was a mess, her clothes unpleated, and she was pretty sure that there was a mustard stain on her pants but at this point she felt her coworkers were lucky that she even bothered to show up. The only thing bringing her in was the small possibility that she would see Carmilla. She knew it was wrong but that hope was the only thing keeping the last bit of sanity she had alive and present. 

Last night was...interesting to say the least. It was almost uncomfortable being so intimate with Danny, especially when Carmilla’s face was the only one clouding her mind. She was not even concerned with the fact that Danny definitely saw through her lie of exhaustion in order to skip out on giving. Last night, all she wanted was to receive. She desired the feeling of being wanted. She didn't want to make a choice. She just wanted to feel but it was truly the absence of feeling that cleared the fog from her mind. The fact that Carmilla gave her more feeling in a look than Danny could give her one night said more than she cared to admit to herself. But reality was here and there was no ignoring it - though she was determined to give it a good Hollis try.

 

She fumbled with the keys in her bag and she approached her office. It seemed as if everything was just going to give her a hard time today - though she couldn't help but feel that it was something she truly deserved. Stepping into her office, she was instantly greeted by Perry sitting down in the chair across from her desk.

“I’m sorry for barging in without your permission but you're never here this late and you were not answering my messages and I wanted to be here to give you a little bit more time before I called the police and filed a missing person’s report.You never called me back to tell me what was happened and you practically tell me everything but I figured maybe something good was happening and you were too distracted to call me back - not that condone adultery - but then LaFontaine said that they called Carmilla and she answered so I figured you weren't with her and then-”

“Perry,” Laura groaned as she massaged her temples, “You know that I love you, but can you please try to quiet down? I have a massive headache and as sweet as it is that you care, I would really appreciate if we talked about it at a time that my head did not feel like it was going to burst.” She knew that she tended to go on her own rants as well but Perry could even be a little too much for her sometimes, and that was saying something. Especially with all that she was saying. What was Carmilla talking to LaFontaine about?  _ And what was that about adultery?  _

“I’m sorry,” Perry interrupted Laura’s thoughts with a hug, “I was just worried about you. Especially with what we talked about.”

_ Oh yeah…that. _

\--------

_ “Perr, you cannot tell anyone.”  _

_ Laura sighed into the phone. She could not believe that she had let it slip how she felt about Carmilla, especially when she didn't want to admit it herself. It was just that Perry kept talking about how sometimes those who love each other go through hard times and how there was always a way to fix things because love always wins and the more the redhead talked about the love the couple had for each other, the harder it was for her to keep it in anymore. _

_ It was almost painful to hear because she didn't love Danny. In fact, she wasn't sure if she ever did. Sure, maybe as a person there was something loveable about Danny but she was not in love with her. No. That was something completely different. She knew that now whether she wanted to admit it or not. _

_ “Laura, what are you going to do? You are engaged to her! She's your soulmate!” _

_ “Don’t you think I know this?” Laura groaned into the phone. She loved Perry but sometimes it was hard to deal with her inherently good attitude. “Listen, I didn't even mean to say that to you so please promise me that you can keep it to yourself.” _

_ “But can I-” _

_ “No you cannot tell LaFontaine because they are basically Carmilla’s best friend.” _

_ “But-” _

_ “Perry, no.” _

_ There was an audible sigh from the other side, “Fine. But Laura…you really should say something to Danny. You can't just string her along.” _

_ This time it was Laura’s turn to sigh, “I’m not so sure that there is anything to string her to. I messed up really bad with Carmilla…I-I ran away from her when she told me how she felt.” _

_ “Laura,” Perry groaned. _

_ “I know, I know. It was stupid but I panicked.” _

_ There was silence on the line for a while before Perry spoke up, “Talk to her. LaFontaine told me that she works at a bar sometimes, I’ll have them text you the address and hopefully she will still be there.” _

_ “Thank you, Perr. I know you don't agree but I appreciate your help just the same.” _

_ “Just remember that you're not the only one with feelings. If she pulls away, let her.” _

_ \---- _

Laura shook her head sadly as she remembered Perry’s final request. 

_ If she pulls away, let her _ . 

It was those words that convinced her not to push Carmilla any further. If she wanted her to go away, she would. In that moment Laura realized that she would do anything for Carmilla.

That was the thought that terrified her most.

“I think I messed up even more than before.”

“You don’t know that for sure. Come to my house on Friday. We were supposed to have a get together at LaFontaine’s but they had some sort of explosion in the kitchen - and anyway,” She said shaking her head before returning to her intended point, “Maybe you can fix it.”

“I don't think that Carmilla wants to see me-”

“Laura, you’ll never know if you don't try.”

“I did try,” Laura grumbled as she sat down behind her desk. “I tried and she basically told me not to involve her in my shit. She doesn’t want to see me. She hates me.”

“She doesn’t hate you.”

“You should have seen her last night,” Laura laughed without humor as she remembered the way Carmilla carried herself the previous night. Her words almost felt cold.

Almost.

That little bit of warmth though was what gave Laura the last bit of strength she had to save whatever she had ruined. 

“But I’ll come,” She mumbled as she tied her knotted hair into as much of a bun as she could

manage. 

Perry’s hopped a bit as she smiled at the blonde, “Great! Well, you get yourself situated and I’m going to get some work done. But if I do not see you anymore in the office, I will see you Friday.”

Laura gave her as much of a smile as she could muster before turning to face her computer as Perry exited the office, taking her light with her, and leaving Laura once again alone with her thoughts.

So what if Carmilla showed up at Perry’s? Sure, the brunette was the one who invited her officially but it was Perry’s house and Perry was her best friend. She could not just avoid her best friend because of one person. Even if that one person did happen to be incredibly stunning and make her heart beat in ways that she did not know possible. Even if that one person had somehow become all that she could think of. Even if that person made her question everything that she thought she knew. 

It was true that Laura had never felt so enamored by anyone in her life, which made it all the more frightening. But she also knew that whatever this was, it was going to have to go away. The only way for that to happen was if she made it.

She was going to go to Perry’s and she was going to forget Carmilla Karnstein for good.

 

Since she had made her decision, Laura had been preparing for her plan to avoid Carmilla as much as she could for being in the same room as someone for an entire night. She had even been practicing in the office by taking the stairs so that she would never have to endure the awkwardness of the lift stopping on Carmilla’s floor, forcing her to take that awkward and dreaded short ride. However, all of that had gone out of the window as soon as she entered into the foyer of Perry’s home to see the brunette slightly leaning against the wall as she spoke to LaFontaine.

Laura could not help but feel slightly under-dressed upon seeing Carmilla with her tight black jeans and lace crop top, slightly hidden by her (probably faux-)leather vest. Sure she was not dressed to the 9’s but the blonde felt almost as if her jeans and purple pleated blouse were not nearly as monumental as the true treasure that was none other than Carmilla’s beautifully toned-

“Laura?”

The blonde’s eyes widened as LaFontaine’s voice brought her back to reality. She realized that she had been caught staring by the smirk on their face. “I-I...Hi.”

“I was saying that I’m glad to see you,” They raised their eyebrows at Laura who knew that she was probably as red as a rose. It was no wonder that they were so close with Carmilla as they too had an affinity to watching Laura get flustered.

“I’m glad to see you too.” She looked over at Carmilla who had yet to turn around to acknowledge her. It was hard for her to decide whether it was a blessing or a curse as all she wanted was to see the brunette’s face but she also knew she needed her skin to calm down before she looked the other woman in the face.

“Am I late?” She questioned, in an attempt to change the silent dialogue between her and LaFontaine. 

“You’re actually right on time,” Perry interjected with a smile. “LaFontaine was just about to help me set the table. Why don't you and Carmilla wait in the living room until everything is set.”

It was upon being mentioned that the brunette finally turned around to look in Laura’s direction. There was a pained expression on her face at the realization that she was going to have to be alone with the other woman for a while but Laura tried to reason with herself, suggesting that it never reached her eyes. Carmilla truly did not hate her that much, did she? Surely they could last a few moments together until everything was ready.

The pair followed Perry’s instructions and found themselves sitting an uncomfortable distance apart from each other on the couch. Carmilla breathed out quietly and ran her fingers through her hair - Laura had decided that was a habit she has picked up to distract herself from her frustrations. Sure, it was in poor taste to psychoanalyze a person while in their direct presence but what else was there to do as they sat in silence. It was clear that Carmilla did not want to talk to her but Laura was a Hollis for crying out loud and not talking just wouldn't do.

“I’m surprised you came,” Laura spoke quietly as she looked over to Carmilla. 

“Are you?” The brunette snapped, refusing to even turn in her direction as she spoke. 

Okay, so perhaps Laura had underestimated just how angry the other woman was. Maybe she really did hate her. But whether she did or not, Laura knew Perry would never tolerate hostile interactions between guests so whatever animosity Carmilla had towards her was going to have to be put on hold until the end of the night.

“Look-”

“Save your breath, cupcake. I don't need any explanation or declaration of love tonight. I’m here for LaFontaine and LaFontaine only.”

“I-..How do you know that I wasn't going to say..i don't know, curse you out?”

“Because I know you.”

Laura rolled her eyes at the woman who had now slightly angled her body in her direction. At least she was not blatantly ignoring her anymore. “You know nothing about me.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, cutie. I know all about your type,” She smirked and finally made eye contact with Laura in a way that she knew the blonde couldn't resist. It was wrong on so many levels how much of a hold Carmilla had on her. 

She gulped but tried to harden her expression as much as possible to save face, “And what is my  _ type _ ?” 

“You’re the type that is having trouble in paradise so you are doing everything that you can to distract yourself. You want someone who is a complete opposite of what you have because you feel it's the only way to be completely free from that which plagues you in your own relationship. But now that your distraction,  _ me _ , is no longer distracting you, you are willing to do anything to get that back as long as you don't have to face your problems head on.”

_ Shit she was good. She got all of that from some flirting and a date?  _

Either way, Laura refused to sit there and be psychoanalyzed right to her face. At least when she was reading Carmilla, it was in her head. But this? This was not how her night was going to go. 

“I find it interesting that you’re sitting here and trying to tell me who I am without even acknowledging your part in this.”

“Which would be?” Carmilla challenged with sharp eyes. Laura couldn't help but smirk at the expression. She wasn't scared of her.

“You tried to pursue someone who,” She raised her hand, “is clearly engaged and expected there to not be any difficulties.  _ Your _ type is the kind that thinks they're untouchable. You think if you give those eyes in the right way that girls will drop anything and everything for you so that you can have your way with them. As soon as your advances are refused, you can't handle it and turn it into anger towards whoever you come in contact with. I was your challenge and you lost.”

Laura smiled proudly at the brunette for a moment, surprised at herself for coming up with all that in such short time. That was until she noticed the pained expression on the other woman’s face.

It reached her eyes.

“Is that what you think?” She asked quietly, “That you were some challenge?”

“Wasn't I?”

The brunette hesitated before sighing sadly, “Sure, Laura.”

Laura winced at Carmilla’s tone of voice. Perhaps she had taken it too far. Sure, everything that she said was how she felt but perhaps she should have kept it to herself. Was Carmilla really one of those people who could dish it out but could not take it? That was pretty surprising considering how disaffected the brunette always seemed. But she did put herself out there only to be rejected. Maybe it was Laura who was truly in the wrong. Before she could clean up another one of her messes, Perry’s voice rang out calling them to the dining room. She gave an apologetic look before doing as she was told and heading to the table as directed. 

_ Way to dig an even deeper hole, Laura. _

 

Dinner was awkward to say the least. Carmilla refused to make eye contact and Laura refused to push. When she needed a napkin, she decided against requesting it as they were stacked next to Carmilla. She decided against the awkwardness and chose to ruin the knees of her pants by rubbing her hands against them instead. Perry continued on like normal as if nothing has even gone down between the pair, making small talk about work and general politics, though Laura doubted the redhead even noticed anything was off about Carmilla as she was usually a seemingly disaffected person in any regard. But Laura knew. Sure she didn't know her long enough to know everything. She didn't know Carmilla’s birthday, or where she came from, or what her favorite food was - but she knew her behavior. And this? Well this was almost painful to see. It was clear the brunette had her guard up but Laura saw right through it. She had caused the other woman to hurt. That was enough to ruin her appetite right then and there.

“I really appreciate the dinner,” Laura gave as much of a smile as she could muster as she slid the plate about an inch away from herself, “But I think I should go.”

“Laura-” Perry looked at her sadly but the blonde couldn't let that distract her.

“It’s okay, I promise. I just think that maybe I have overstayed my welcome. I’m sure Danny will feel

better having me home anyway” Upon mentioning Danny, she noticed Carmilla wince and instantly she wished that she could retract her words.

It seemed like she felt that way a lot recently.

“Nonsense, we love having you here. Right?” Perry looked around at LaFontaine and Carmilla for their approval.

“I think you should stay too,” LaFontaine agreed. “We all deserve to unwind after the weekend. I’m sure Lawrence would understand.”

They gave a small smile before looking at Carmilla. Laura couldn't help but feel guilty now that all the pressure was on the brunette that she was convinced hated her.

There was a moment of silence before Carmilla sighed, “Just sit down. You’re already here so you might as well stay.”

Laura gave a small smile at the brunette who had gotten an indiscreet slap on the arm from her best friend. Sure her response was not filled with love or any sort of regard for Laura’s feelings but it was better than a “Fuck you” so clearly the brunette did not hate her  _ that _ much.

Or at least that's what she tried to keep telling herself to get through the night.

 

After a short while of Laura helping Perry with the dishes, LaFontaine and Carmilla were finally finished with adjusting the living room furniture so that the group could sprawl out on the floor. 

“Alright you two, we’re ready for you.”

Laura raised an eyebrow at Perry who looked concerned for her home as they both hesitantly headed into the living room. Instantly, Laura’s face readjusted to seeing what they had set up. There was a large blanket sprawled across the floor with the coffee table pushed to the side with a bottle of wine and four glasses set neatly together upon it. Her eyes also couldn't avert from the plate of brownies stacked next to the little beverage set up. The pillows had been taken off of the couch and set up around the blanket for comfort.

It was everything a teenage-Laura could have dreamed. 

Smiling, Laura headed over to the blanket and sprawled out instantly with a moan. 

“So this is what does it for you, cutie?” Carmilla smirked as she sat down on the opposite end of the blanket.

“Hush,” Laura said with a glare before turning to LaFontaine. “This is amazing.”

They shrugged before nodding their head toward Carmilla, “Thank Morticia Addams over here. She’s the one who decided to set it up like this.”

Laura looked up at the brunette who she swore was turning a bit red, “Thanks Carmilla.”

The brunette shrugged before redirecting her attention to the floor, “Whatever.”

LaFontaine couldn't help but roll their eyes at their best friend before turning to Perry, “So board games or movie first?”

That was sure to get Carmilla’s attention. She instantly perked her head up and looked at the redheads, “No. Hell no. No board games. You and Bo Peep can keep your creepy rituals to yourself. You bring out a board game and I’m out.”

  
  


Carmilla could not believe it. She could not believe it. Here she was lying on her stomach, using her elbows to prop top half up, and playing this god awful board game with the ginger pair and her heartbreaker against her every will. Needless to say, the circumstances were less than ideal. They were playing the most long winded game that Carmilla could have ever imagined and considering the competitive nature of Laura and LaF it was taking twice as long to finish. The brunette was almost certain she dozed off a couple times without anyone even noticing because of how high the intensity was. Carmilla did not see the big deal behind trying to rule imaginary businesses and lands with homes and hotels -  _ What the hell is so fun about financing _ ? - but they sure seemed to be getting a real kick out of it. The only thing saving had from exploding was the copious amounts of wine that Perry had stored away in her cellar. Every time the group finished a bottle, Perry was always returning with more - something Carmilla was definitely not complaining about. Especially since now she was feeling a bit tipsy and Laura and Perry were already completely inebriated. It was funny how, with Laura and Carmilla, the more alcohol they got in them, the less they seemed to think about the elephant between them. It was as if Laura had never run and Carmilla had never pushed her away. Alcohol was a true savior in that regard. Sure she was still aware of her surroundings and the atrocities that Laura had committed but with a little liquid courage, they didn't seem so bad anymore.

“Can we be done?” She complained as she put all of her money in the middle of the board, mixing up some of the pieces with her arm. “Oops.”

As Carmilla began to roll her eyes, the blonde’s laugh instantly cut her off. It was a good and genuine Laura Hollis laugh that came from the soul and not from the surface.

“I thought I was supposed to be the one messing things up,” She teased with a nudge of the shoulder.

Carmilla smirked, “Yeah well looks like you’re rubbing off on me.”

“Hmm..” She bit her lip for a second, a reflex that did not go unnoticed by the brunette, before yawning, “I forgot what I was going to say. But I do have to agree that I’m done playing this game.”

LaFontaine rolled their eyes, “Whatever. I'm too tired to argue and I think I should probably take Perry to bed.”

The other redhead perked up at the sound of her name, “What? I can’t go to bed! How will I be a good host?” 

LaF looked over to Carmilla with a smirk before picking Perry up and taking her to her bedroom, leaving the two almost-lovers alone on the blanket.

Carmilla began cleaning up the game and it's scattered pieces before she felt a strong grip on her arm. She looked over to see Laura staring at her expectantly, “Um...Cupcake?”

“I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad at me anymore because it makes me so sad.”

She looked down for a second and tried to collect her thoughts. She didn't need to deal with this right now. Not when they were both in this state of confusion. “Laura, you’re drunk.”

The blonde groaned and nodded, “Yes I am but all that means is that the execution might be a little less tactful than I would like. But I’m serious and I mean everything that I'm saying. I know I was stupid before and I’m still very stupid but I miss you. I miss seeing you all the time, I miss the way I felt when we were together and I miss having you around.”

“Laura-”

“Just listen to me,” She strengthened her grip on Carmilla’s arm, “I know I made a mess of everything and I know that I still have a lot to deal with and figure out but I want you to know that I mean everything that I said. You make me so happy and if I wasn't forced to be with Danny...well...Well I don’t know.”

They sat in silence for a moment as Carmilla tried to process everything that had been said. It was everything that she needed to hear until...Until she chose Danny. Sure, she could name blame Laura for falling into what the universe intended but it still stung. Why did the blonde insist on breaking her heart even more? It didn't matter what Carmilla felt, it was clear that Laura’s mind was made up. Why was she so set on reminding her that she was the second choice?

“I understand.”

“You do?”

The hope in Laura’s voice nearly broke her heart even more but the ache of her own broken heart trumped all of that. For once, she had to take care of herself. “I understand you completely but maybe you did not understand me. I don't want to be involved in your twisted love triangle.” She yanked her arm from the blonde’s with gritted teeth, “Leave me out of it.” 

She closed the box to the board game before standing up and heading out of the home, leaving a broken Laura on the floor while she hopped into her car, speeding off into the night.

For the first time in forever, that feeling of emptiness set right into her stomach under her heavy heart.


	13. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla and Laura have different methods of coping with what could have been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I have been extremely busy, as usual.

When Carmilla awoke, it was no picturesque morning. The birds weren't chirping and the sun wasn't shining. The light didn't come through the window and illuminate the room and the bed was not made. It was not a seemingly perfect winter morning like usual - No. In fact, the physical atmosphere perfectly coincided with the one currently in her head. The negative energy surrounding the brunette as she lay sprawled out in her bed with the duvet hanging off of the side, slightly thrown onto the floor. Usually she could barely bother to do anything more than fall asleep on top of the linen, let alone get wrapped up in the sheets enough to tear apart her bed. That should have been a sign.

Upon seeing the flashing light in the corner of her eye, Carmilla rolled over with a groan and reached for her phone on the nightstand. She was never one to get hangovers but there was truly a first for everything as her head was pounding and it had nothing to do with the tears that were shed last night. Not at all. She had done a lot of thinking on the way home to ensure that any alcohol that was clouding her mind would dilute and ameliorate her focus so that she could make it home in one piece. But it seemed that with the thoughts came the hurting as the more she thought about Laura, the worse that she felt.

She chose Danny.

Of course she did. Carmilla knew she would and felt foolish for even thinking that she wouldn't. Danny was Laura’s fiancée and expecting her to drop everything that she had just to feed Carmilla’s crush was incredibly juvenile. Laura was right. She had treated her like she would any one of her prizes. Clearly that was not how she felt about her but it was all she knew. It was almost as if she had forgotten everything that she had learned from being with Elle - her first true love. She had just expected Laura to go along with it and understand. How naïve of her. Her mother didn't raise her like this - to be weak and unjustifiably hopeful. What had gotten into her? And what was this hold that Laura seemed to have on her?

She had spent all night trying to figure it out but now she was just exhausted. All she knew was that the need for painkillers was her main focus as a pounding headache was what had discourteously woken her from her sleep.

Before she could reach into her drawer and pull out a bottle of over-the-counter painkillers, she grabbed her phone off of the nightstand as it was now continuously flashing. Unlocking her phone, she was less than surprised to see an inordinate amount of text messages on her screen.

 

 ** _LaF:_** [ _1:34 AM_ ] _Hey kid, text me so I know you’re not dead._

[ _1:36 AM_ ] _Laura said you left angry and I know you were tipsy so I hope you didn't kill yourself or anyone else in some fatal accident_

[ _3:20 AM_ ] _You better not be dead you idiot_

[ _10:02 AM_ ] _Perry woke me up at the ass crack of dawn to check the news and make sure you didn't die but there is no report so I’m assuming you're alive_

[ _10:44 AM_ ] _Don’t make me call your ass. I know you hate that._

[ _10:50 AM_ ] _You have 15 minutes before your phone starts ringing_

 

And then there was one more.

 **Laura:** [ _3:14 AM_ ] _Please be okay._

 

That last one stunned her for a moment longer than she would have liked - _Why won’t she just give up?_ \- but nonetheless she sent a quick reply to LaFontaine.

 **Carmilla:** [ _11:02 AM_ ] I’m alive. Pass the message along

Finally sitting up in the bed, Carmilla pulled out the bottle from the drawer and dry swallowed the pills before heading into the bathroom to take a shower. For some reason she felt dirty and it wasn't because she had fallen asleep in her clothes from last night. She wasn't sure what it was but there was almost a tingling within her that had her feeling nauseous - not enough to vomit but she was not feeling well in the slightest. Stripping down, she stared at herself in the mirror for a moment before rolling her eyes and starting the shower. God, she was so dramatic.

 -

Laura had been staring at the ceiling for a good 25 minutes now. LaFontaine had come into the guest room to tell her that Carmilla texted back and had made it home but somehow that made her feel even worse. Carmilla hadn't even had the piece of mind to at least send her a text back letting her know she was safe. She had to hear it from LaFontaine.

It hurt.

Laura figured she should have known better though. After all, Carmilla had made herself very clear over the past couple days that she wanted nothing to do with her and was only talking to her just to keep from causing more tension - something that Laura clearly was having no trouble doing herself. It seemed as if there was just something drawing her to the brunette that she just couldn't resist. She had never been so desperate with anyone. In fact, when she had first met Danny she had never even expected to date her longer than a couple of months - that was until Danny had confessed to seeing colors. That’s when everything had changed. But why hadn't she felt the spark? The need to be with Danny? What was making her this way now with Carmilla? Whatever it was, she needed to get it under control because if she kept this up, who knew what the brunette would do out of anger? What if she told Danny? That was a possibility that was definitely not worth testing. Laura decided that she was going to try harder now than ever before to keep her feelings at bay. As much as she had said that before she was determined now more than ever to keep herself together. It was either that or have Carmilla hate her forever. Even just that thought alone was something she couldn't handle.

So why couldn’t she say the same for Danny?

She sat quietly for a bit longer until she heard the doorbell ring, followed by an all too familiar voice - an unwanted voice at that. It boomed through the quiet home and Laura instantly sat up to brace herself for what she was about to endure. Everything was happening so fast that she never got a chance to even assess the situation. However, no type of preparation could have prepared her for the chill that was sent down her spine as the door to the guest room flung open, slamming the wall behind it.

“Laura! Where the hell have you been? I was trying to call you all night! I understand there's something going on in that little head of yours but you can't just ignore me! Especially when I’m worried sick! You need to tell me where you are!”

“I-...” She looked up at the redhead and tried to put her words together but nothing would come out. It wasn't that she hadn't expected to see Danny at some point, she just didn't expect her to be concerned enough to actually come all the way to Perry’s house to find her. If she was being honest, she hadn't even thought about the other woman all that much. No, she was too preoccupied with someone who clearly wanted nothing to do with her.

_God, she was backwards._

“Laura!” Danny yelled at her as she waved her hand in front of her face.

The smaller woman winced and pulled her knees to her chest at the exclamation. She was definitely not in the right mindset for this. She just needed quiet. Was that too much to ask for?

“Danny...please calm down,” She couldn't help but be embarrassed at the way that her voice didn't seem to project at all but it was all she had in her. She spoke the way that she felt.

Weak. Drained. Defeated.

She kept her head down as the room was silent for a moment until Danny sighed and sat down next to her. “I’m sorry. I didn't mean to yell...you just scared me. You can't just not tell me where you are.”

Laura, though still a bit shaken up, couldn't help but roll her eyes. “Danny, I’m an adult.”

“But I’m your fiancée-”

“Well maybe you should treat me like it,” Laura blurted out.

The room grew quiet once again as they sat on the bed, refusing to make eye contact. The scariest part being the fact that Laura honestly could not have cared less about any possible outcome. At this point she was just tired. It didn't matter what Danny did, she was done being frustrated. Anything that she had ever felt with Danny was gone and she was finished trying to deny it. The question was, what was she going to do about it?

“What do you want from me?” The redhead spoke up, interrupting her thoughts.

Laura groaned, running her fingers through her hair, “I honestly just want to feel like an adult. I want to stop feeling suffocated. I can handle myself, I promise - my dad made sure of that. You can’t try to keep me on some leash.”

“Alright.” Danny agreed almost immediately, “I’ll back off.”

Laura couldn't help but raise her eyebrow, “Wait really?” What was the catch?

“I will, I promise.” Danny nodded, “I don’t want to lose you. If space is what you need, I’ll give it to you.”

The blonde wasn't sure if she believed her but she was definitely not in the mood to argue. With a nod, she leaned back in the bed, her head hitting the unfamiliar pillow. “Thank you.”

She didn't even bother to look up to see the redhead’s silent response before the bed shifted and the door eventually opened and closed again, signaling Danny’s absence. At this point, she didn't care anymore. She just wanted everything back to the way that it should be.

 

-

By the time Monday morning rolled around, Carmilla was back in the office as if nothing had ever changed. Personally, she felt she had spent enough of her time nursing her heartache with various alcohols and now that she was done mourning what could have been, she was determined to get answers. If she couldn't distract herself with nameless women, she would distract herself with the one that truly mattered.

Whether it was something that she was personally interested in was a different story but as of right now she just needed something - anything - to make this feeling going away. Between having coffee spilled on her boots on the way to the train station to losing her ticket stub and having to pay the conductor an extra ten dollars, Carmilla was fed up. She was honestly surprised at herself for even making it to work. Though she was close - God she was close - to saying fuck it and turning right back around to head home.

Stepping into LaFontaine’s cubicle, the brunette leaned against the wall in an attempt to look more disaffected than she was feeling. She would never admit it but she was still surprised at herself for being naive enough to think that she had met someone worth opening up to. Doing that again, especially so soon, made her stomach turn just at the possibility. Whether she was to find her soulmate or not, the situation with Laura had her skeptical of letting her guard down for someone else - especially so soon. But what was she to do? At this point, there were no other options. She needed this.

“Hey Archimedes, I’ve got a proposition for you,” She approached the redhead.

“I’m in.” LaFontaine spoke nonchalantly as they continued to type away at their computer.

Carmilla decided not to question them. If they were on board without even knowing what she was going to suggest then who was she to challenge? That just made this even easier.

“Good because I refuse to beg anyone for anything,” She couldn't help the small smile that came to her face as LaFontaine rolled their eyes, “But I was thinking...how about we speed up this soulmate search a little?”

They closed the laptop to give the brunette their full attention, “I’m listening.”

“I was thinking we could maybe have a meet up. Everyone who thinks they're my soulmate will show up and then we’ll narrow it down from there.”

Their eyes instantly widened, “Why did I never...You’re brilliant.”

Carmilla shrugged with a smirk on her face, “Yeah well…” She sat down in the empty chair that she had practically claimed as her own in the corner of their cubicle, “Print out a bunch of the flyers and we’ll hang them around town.”

They nodded and sat quietly for a moment before avoiding eye contact, “What about Laura?”

Carmilla’s head instantly shot up as she looked at them, gritting her teeth. It was a defense mechanism, she knew it. But she refused to open herself up. Anger was the easiest solution, “What _about_ Laura?”

“I mean...it’s just,” They sighed before trying again, “Don’t you think that you should tell her that you’re moving on?”

“Moving on from what? There was nothing to move on from. It’s not like it’s any of her business, anyway. She chose the beanstalk so I’m choosing my own fate. I don’t owe her anything.”

LaFontaine nodded slowly, “You’re right. I’m sorry. I just thought that you guys had gotten close and I figured-”

“We barely knew each other. We weren’t close, I just had a moment of weakness and now it’s over. What I do with my life is none of her concern and vice versa.”

“Noted,” LaFontaine gave a mock salute before opening their computer back up. “If I don’t see you at lunch I’ll swing some flyers by your desk for you to pick up.”

Carmilla sighed before standing up and heading back to her cubicle. She may have shut LaFontaine down but the thought never left her head. She didn't owe Laura anything.

Right?

Why would Laura care anyway? It wasn't as if she necessarily knew anything about the other woman anyway. It didn't matter.

After 20 minutes of getting absolutely nothing accomplished but only furthering her heartbreak, Carmilla decided to head down to the lobby. At least if she had to be here, she was going to have a bit of fun.

 

She wasn't attractive at all. Not in the slightest. Not in the way that Laura was. Sure, she was a pretty face but there was nothing there. No substance. However, this was no time to be picky she was what Carmilla had to work with and with the selection going on in this office, she had no room to complain. This one would have to do.

Running her fingers through her hair the way that she knew could send a chill down just about any young girl's spine, the brunette approached the table - doubling as a desk for the new intern of the building. Carmilla hadn't given her a passing glance when introduced by Xena and now she was really regretting it. What was her name? Rebecca? Bethany? Isabella?  Well, it didn't matter. It's not like the brunette needed her for long anyway.

“Hey there,” She smirked as she approached the woman, already noticing the effect she was having on her. The woman was basically gawking at her. _Pathetic_.

“H-hi...Can I help you with something?“

“You tell me,” The brunette drawled, leaning against the counter. The way that the other woman’s cheeks pinked told her all that she needed to know.

This was going to be too easy.

-

Laura stumbled into the office for the second time that week with a stain on her shirt and her things everywhere. When the secretary looked up at her this time though, she seemed less than surprised. Had this already become her new normal?

She did her best to balance her folders with all of the paperwork that she intended to look over, but never quite got to, in her hands as she ran through the door that a businessman, who clearly had an ego as big as the building itself, apparently felt that she could manage on her own and didn't bother to hold open. After the morning that she had she didn't even care, she just wanted to make it up to her office. She would have to save the hospitality rant for another day.

Apparently, the universe really had it out for her though as making it to her office was not happening anytime soon - something she realized as soon as she was stopped dead in her tracks at the sight of the last person she wanted to encounter on her already terrible morning. But alas, there she was in all her broody glory leaning against the desk of the new intern, flashing her signature smirk that was clearly working on the young woman. She couldn't have been more than a year or two out of university but that obviously was not stopping the brunette from putting on her best charm.

Laura hadn't even realized she was staring until the other woman turned around and caught her attention, still sporting her heart eyes. She rolled her own before straightening out the folders in her arms and heading to the lift, determined to make it to her office.

If that was the way it was then so be it. She already decided to move past whatever could have been. So why did this hurt? Why did her chest feel so tight? Why was she feeling so heavy behind her eyes?

She had to get out of this elevator.

When the lift reached her floor she practically darted out of the small space and into her own office, locking the door behind her. The last thing she needed was to have people flying in and out of her office today. She just needed to think. Away from relationships, away from friends, away from anything that wasn't just her and her thoughts. She owed it to herself.

 

It seemed as if her luck was turning as she had almost a whole hour of peace and quiet to work on her latest proposal. This week’s topic was solely revolved around the defunding of the annual salted herring toss after last year’s clean up committee decided to bail and left the city streets smelling rotten for weeks. Apparently, smell or not, the general public was very serious about their fishy traditions.

She was just putting the finishing touches on her thesis when there was a knock at the door. In retrospect, she should have known that there was no way that she would get a break from reality. It was way too good to be true but couldn’t she dream? The universe owed her that, did it not?

“Come in!” She called toward the door and waited for the split second it took for the door to slowly open after her invitation. Upon seeing the redhead, Laura couldn’t help but roll her eyes. She only hoped that the reaction was missed by the other woman. “What do you need Perry?” It wasn’t her fault that things were falling apart in Laura’s life but she was still feeling a bit crabby at the idea of losing her alone time to a possible lecture.

“I just wanted to see how you were doing.”

“I’m fine,” She snapped before instantly feeling the sinking sensation of regret in her stomach. It was no use. As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t be mean to Perry – especially when she was really trying to be a good friend. “I’m fine,” she repeated herself with less bite. “I’m just working on my article. Do you need anything else?”

“I just…well I just,” The redhead sighed as she stumbled over her words, “I just wanted to know if you planned on talking to Danny any time soon. I know it’s not my business and I probably shouldn’t even be saying anything but she just seemed really upset yesterday. She feels like you’re leaving her in the dark and she really does seem to be doing everything that she can.”

“So you came in here to tell me that you’re on her side?” Now she was irritated. It was one thing to check on her and give advice but it was completely another to basically step in the middle of her relationship.

“I’m not picking sides, Laura. It’s just that yesterday we had a long talk and she really does just want the best for you. Maybe you should just let her take care of you.”

 _There it was_. The exact reason she had been pretty much been going insane for years now. All of her life, she had felt like everyone was trying to protect her from the world. Sure, she could be naïve and trusting but she wasn’t dumb and she was tired of being treated that way. Pushing her chair back to give herself a little bit of space between the desk, Laura ran her fingers through her hair. She could feel herself getting upset by the second and knew that if she didn’t calm down soon, she would say something that she would regret and considering the fact that her words seemed to be getting her in trouble a lot these days, she knew that it was best to stay quiet.

Upon realizing that there would be no response, Perry stepped closer to the desk with a look of regret, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. It wasn’t my place. I just...I just don’t want you to lose a good thing because of…because of well…you know.”

She did. She knew exactly what Perry meant. That was the realization that had made it hurt even more. The redhead was right though. Laura was willing to let go of stability, protection, and a consistent future all for someone who clearly didn’t want her. All for skepticism. Perhaps it was the journalist in her. She wanted to know more. She wanted to know what it would be like to not take the safe route for once in her life. She wanted to know what it would be like to explore her possibilities and not settle. She wanted to experience the world the way that she thought Carmilla did. No hesitation, no ties, no obligation. A life without direction was a life well explored, right? She would never know if she couldn’t get there. But what if she took the leap? Then what? Where would she go from there? That was where she found herself caught up – a struggle that she knew was a result of being protected for so long. Her decisions were constantly being made for her and now that it was not the case she was not sure what to do. Perhaps this was why Perry wanted her to accept Danny’s guidance. Maybe she really wasn’t strong enough to handle herself.

“I know,” Laura mumbled as she leaned back in her chair in exasperation. “I’ll talk to her.”

Perry gave a satisfied smile before nodding and showing herself out of the room, leaving Laura in the silent comfort of the safe haven that was her office. She had a lot to think about but for now there was only one thing on her mind.

Coffee.

-

Carmilla adjusted her shirt as her eyes avoided the mirror in front of her. She knew that the second she saw herself that she would be sick. How could something that she used to think of as some game now leave her feeling so dirty? Maybe it was the fact that no matter how deep into her void that she got, the look on Laura’s face when she saw her flirting never went away. It was a look of hurt that Carmilla was convinced would stay etched in her mind forever.

Her hair disheveled and the neck button of her top now torn off left her to be the one coming out of this unscathed. She had been rough. She knew it but she couldn’t stop herself. She didn’t want to feel. She didn’t want to take her time. All she wanted was to lose this emptiness with some sort of sensation.

But just like her, it never came.

The woman, she had learned was named Betty, not that she would remember in a few hours anyway, seemed not to have minded as she continued to hang off of the brunette with her bottom lip between her teeth. She was bruised and Carmilla was sure that there was no way she would be able to put her shirt back together but the other woman did not seem to concerned about it. In fact, she had tried to convince the brunette for a round two but was politely declined with a “I have to get back to work but you’ll see me again,” – a response that was deemed good enough by the intern. Carmilla ran her fingers through her hair before giving the younger woman a wink, sliding out of her grip, and heading out of the bathroom.

She wanted to give off her signature smirk to the group of men who originally had their eyes glued to the door of the bathroom (Betty was somewhat of a screamer) and were now eyeing her, seeming almost impressed, but it never came. She could even barely muster a scowl but she figured the slight shrug of her shoulders would be enough to give off the appearance of disaffection. At this point she had a hard time finding it within herself to care about what they thought. Anything they could think up would be better than how she truly felt.

Empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, I will not torture you all for too long. The sun will come!

**Author's Note:**

> Chat with me: karmacarmilla.tumblr.com


End file.
